I am woken up in a haste. Someone is shaking me hard. I open my eyes and take a moment to remember what just happened. My whole body is aching from a pain that I have never felt before and my legs feels like I have been running a marathon. I slowly open my aching eyes and remember everything. Trevor was naked towering over me, the knife, the sobs, the slaps and Janet...Janet! We are supposed to go and play rounders’ with the neighbours’ kids but Janet is still crying. Her eyes are so red!
'Quickly!! Get up. You two need to get up right now and go and have a bath. Lazy girls. I told you I would teach you a lesson didn’t I?'
We nod our heads in unison and get up as commanded. We are led through the dining room door which is now open. Chisanga is nowhere to be seen and the house is still dead silent. Trevor marches us through the dark passage to the bathroom. Grandpa's picture is hanging on the wall in black and white on the wall. Chisanga has always said that when you walk through the corridor and look at Grandpa's picture, it always looks as though the eyes are following you. This has always scared me because I am a chicken when it comes to horror stories. I cannot even stand a bad ghost story around the fireplace when the lights go out. Zesco, the electricity company often cuts the electricity for hours on end leaving us to cook by the brazier. I wonder if it is true what Chisanga said about the picture and whether Grandpa was really still seeing and if he is can he see what Trevor.
Trevor shoves me in the back and into the bathroom. The water is already in the Shomeka and he just picks me up and dumps in it. I writhe and wiggle in pain but fail to scream because I still have the gag on. I try to stand up because the hot water stings on what feel like cuts on my peepee. I have no idea why there should be cuts there. Maybe it is that big thing that Trevor pushed in me. Tears roll down my cheeks as Trevor washes me roughly and tells me that it is because he loves us and wants us to be good children and go to heaven. That is why he is purifying us. 'God likes clean women' he says. 'When Eve makes Adam upset, God punished her. Do you want everyone to like you Shey? They should not say you are lazy? Or a mukaladi?’ I nod. It would be nice to stop being teased but they don’t tease me anymore anyway since Chisanga told Mrs Mwalubemba off. I ignore the question. I just want the pain to stop.
Trevor washes Janet as well really fast. She winces in pain as well. Trevor has still locked the door to the bathroom and has the key. The Shomeka looks a funny colour because of the blood. Trevor gets Janet out of the water and tells her to dry herself with the face cloth. He then dresses us quickly and then opens the door to the bathroom. We stand there wondering what will happen next but all he says is if you tell anyone God will punish you by killing your whole family. That is what happened to that baby that you see pictures of in your mama’s album. God took him away because he did not listen to big people. With that he heads out of the bathroom and rushes back to his room. He gathers the sheets and comes back to the bathroom and takes the cloth off our mouths.
The edge of my mouth hurts from where the cloth was cutting into me. Trevor strokes my shoulder softly and says ‘There’s a good girl. Now you are clean. And beautiful. Very beautiful’. I don’t feel even a little bit beautiful. His big arms frighten me, he no longer is a nice man. I told Mama Trevor was not a good man but everyone calls me spoilt.
Trevor orders us to go and eat as he pours a generous amount of washing powder into the water and begins washing the sheets vigorously. The air smells metallic. We head off to the kitchen barely able to walk so it takes us forever to get there. The food is exactly where it was when we first came from school. Janet sits slowly down on the chair closest to the sink while I pull myself onto the little chair which I used to use as a baby because I am in too much pain to pull myself onto the bigger one. I do not eat.
Janet finishes her food but my appetite is gone. I cannot understand why I was a bad child. I cannot understand why Trevor chose to ruin my sleepover. Mrs Mwalubemba beats me at school but she does not do what Trevor did to us. I believe him that he will hurt my brother because he is much bigger than Chisanga.
‘Iwe, remove that from the basin and put it under the roof. It can collect some water from the rain tonight. I know it will rain’. It is Mamas voice. I do not get up to hug her like I normally do. I am cross. Suddenly I feel a need to scream but I don’t. If Trevor hears me he will come for me. Mama’s footsteps get closer to the door but I don’t get up to try and open it because Trevor still has the keys. Mama tries to jerk the door open and Trevor comes running form the bathroom. His face is glimmering and does not look menacing anymore but I hate him. I hate him because I am in pain. I hate him because he hurt my best friend. But mostly I hate him because he was cruel when I did nothing wrong and right now I am beginning to hate God.
‘Mulishani Mama’ he says greeting my mother at the door hands clasped and kneeling slightly. Aunty comes in after Mama. She is in her good Chitenge attire and looks so proudly at Trevor.
‘Trevor son, is everything alright? Why was the door locked and have you been washing?’
‘Yes ma, my sheets were very dirty so I thought I would clean my room’
‘Ay, you are such a good boy. Have you brought in all the takings from the sido?’
‘I am going to bring them in now. Business was a bit slow today’ he lies to mama.
‘OK. Let me just get comfortable then we can do the books together. But I think you will have to watch out for the rain with those sheets waumfwa?’
‘Yes ma.’
Aunty says hello to us and goes to the sitting room. Mama takes one look at me and panics. ‘Mummy what happened to my princess? Mwana wangu you not even coming to say hello to me today? Why is your face red? Janet what did you two get up to eh?’ I move my head away when mama touches it because it hurts. When I look up Trevor motions to me with his finger across his neck. I can’t tell mama so I lie.
‘I got into a fight at school and Hannah slapped me.’
‘Like this! I should see her mother soon! What have I told you about fighting at school mwana wangu? Ay…’ mama fusses over me for a little while and asks Trevor if he noticed this when we came home. He agrees that he had and that he gave us dairy choc from the stand because we were too sore to eat properly. Mama looks sceptical but does not query further. She simply gets ice from the freezer and presses it against my sore cheek. I allow the tears to roll down not from the pain but from the fact that she was not home. Even if she were home she would have been busy with someone else or something else. She was always busy. She puts ice on Janet as well and then sets off to her room to get her book for the store.
Bana Kulu Themba must have seen mama coming because shortly after mama goes to the bedroom, in she hops. ‘Where is your aunty?’ she asks Trevor.
‘She has gone to the bedroom but she should be back soon’
‘Ela, go and tell her that I am here and get up from the chair so that I can sit down’ she orders me. I do not move. ‘Iwe go and call your mother’ I fail to get up and just look at her because I cannot walk. I cannot feel my legs. Trevor intervenes and offers her his chair. He then leaves and goes to fetch mama.
Bana Kulu Themba fiddles with the piece of grass she had and picks her teeth with it. She makes little sounds as though she is spitting at something then gathers the bits of her chitenge which are dangling to the side and assembles them between her thighs. Then she leans forward deliberately and looks at me dead in the eye.
‘I have been around a long time. You cannot lie to me.’ She looks from me then back to Janet. We sit still in our chairs and say nothing. ‘You must tell me what happened to your face now’. I shake my face so vigorously that I can feel my cheeks wobble. I was in a fight at school I maintain. ‘Ahhhhh….nonsense, fyabupuba. You did not look like that when you came from school so where did you get that face?’ Mama walks in and the conversation changes. Bana Kulu Themba describes what outfit she wants mama to make for her and then they start getting into adult conversation. Just as quickly they remember that we are still here and give us our marching orders.
‘Shey baby take your friend and go to your room’ she says. Clara is not coming home because she is busy with church things so it is just you and Janet OK’. We get up from the table and march on to the room walking like penguins. Mama does not notice but Bana Kulu Thembas eye catches ours.
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