Careful who you open up to!!

I just want to take today's topic back to the days when we were growing up and our mothers were teaching us about home life.

Yea we all know at the time of growing up you never really appreciate the value of the adults knowledge unless of course it benefits you at that instant moment. 

I will give an example of my mothers grace verses my hasty self. We had a neighbour that forever came to our door "odini kuno" at 12pm sharp. Smelling the aromas from my mothers kitchen always enticed her to come and settle herself unwelcomed by me, in our little kitchen and feast fervently on our food. May I add that this woman made it a point to share my meal!!!Pardon me for being a bit stingy I was meant to be the last born after all. However it didn't matter to banakulu Mercy who who indulge in my little luxuries even if I had just two pieces of chikanda on my plate lol.

But Banakulu Mercy did not only want to indulge in our food. By lunch time she had gathered enough stories from other neighbors to write an encyclopedia!!I loved listening to these stories like how bana Charity was now in hospital after ukumona ichiwa mumpanga or how bana chitechi had been kicked out of her house by her husband and left two kids behind! I sat there listening intently but my mother never commented. I prompted for more info but my mother merely nodded smiled or put on her pity face. I couldn't understand it!!How could mum resist such juicy stories??? And when banakulu Mercy asked about my mums life mum was quick to evade the subject very skillfully.

One day after our usual encounter I asked mum why she was always so quiet about our lives and she merely replied "don't wash your dirty linen in public". The irony considering the wash line was outside and so where all the facilities we used to wash our clothes.

However we all know what mama meant by that. No one ever knew mamas business even when things were not entirely OK  The only thing she was known for by the public was how much she loved God and that she had a sweet and loving family full of children. 

This is not to say all was well but it brings me to our current situations what with electronic ways of communicating and what not. The bible says in proverbs 23:7 that as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. In short what you confess you will surely get. If you confess negativity over your life or your family that is what you will get. If you tell your entire Facebook that your marriage is lousy guess what not only will you get what you confess but you will be the laughing stock of many.

A strong family is held on the bedrock of a strong woman. You hold your head high even when your knees are begging you to buckle. You smile proudly because you know your virtue speaks for itself. What you do behind closed doors is between you and your man. You love him there and in public but you never ever ever bring shame to him especially via a status. I say be careful who you open up to because not everyone cares about you or your life. what they do care about is passing the time with some juicy gossip like I did many years ago. Don't be someone's pastime. 

Enjoy your life, enjoy your man, enjoy your family and enjoy what God has graced you with but leave the Facebook to have a happy face always!!!

Gods resigned

Woke up again with the same old story

the story I told you last night and the night before so many years ago

yet here i am again

with the same tedious story

and the funny thing is that there is nothing to spice it up

to make it perhaps a little more interesting for your ears

or the ears of my companions

So am sorry but all that is left is you and I

and as I kneel here crying for the unteenth time

I pray that you still hear me

even though voices tell me you have resigned

I refuse to believe that you have given up on me

because otherwise you not let me wake up each day

it would be a cruel joke

but because i am still here

I know you have not resigned from my old story

They say child give it up

the curse embraces us all

there's no hope for you

and for any hapiness you find it shall be short lived

but just as Hannah was delivered

I refused to be a captive

or to be shunned from your face

I know am not worthy

but aint  that the beauty of mercy?

aint that the beauty of faith?

and its on this foundation

that i hold steadfast to your promise

to your everlasting love

and resign myself to your love

Unhappiness is a habit

There is no human being that can say they have never sought happiness. Happiness whether it is in friendship, work or family we have all searched for it.

If we look closely in our lives happiness is something that can ne achieved. It is not something that just remains a dream it is a habit.

From childhood we observe how adults handle arguments and unpleasant situations. we see how mothers hold on to pain and abusive husbands. In short we observe how it is normal to not want to resolve issues or to hold on to a sob story because this is what appears normal for each situation we go through.

In reality however, this unhappiness is something we have learnt to cling onto. sometimes it justifies our excuses not to move on to the next level in our lives. Life is difficult  but it can be made easier by making happiness a habit as we do its opponent.

Make a habit of enagaging in happy thoughts, doing things that make you happy and accepting that even though life is not always going to be easy, you will always be you. you cannot run away from yourself. Situations are there to make us stronger,Learn to embrace your life and not your problems. Embrace your joy and not your sorrow because mercy from God is new every morning.

Perfect Valentine

It is no rocket science that you were designed to be mine
perfect fit like a rose merges with thorns
anyone try to break me
you always there to protect me

it is no magic that we encrusted like diamonds
each intricate design
rare in its beauty
but wanted by everyone

it is no math that me + u = us-eternal
each minute adding to the happiness to soon be multiplied
every argument we encounter
strengthens us ten times fold

it is the truth that you were born just for me
because we are a real family
argue like siblings
joke like friends
unembarrassed by the others weirdness
complimented by the familiar smile
and the comforting hug when times get hard

sometimes i thought it was not real
yet my heart knew and wanted no other
sometimes my mind ran away and craved something else
but my spirit and my body would rather expel this mind
than lose your unconditional love

I have tried some shoes
at times the design was close to my dream
but the laces a bit loose
sometimes they were too pointy
pinching my toes with every step
some where far and the delivery took too long
but this shoe looks right
no matter what clothes i wear

yes i know you agree
because for the first time i have fallen hard
like a child learning its first steps
you like a new father willing to teach it
it does not take many words to tell you how i feel
because you are how i feel
you know because it is the same for you
passionate intimately fantastic
i do not have to wait 50 years to be a part of my dream world

i have written and inscribed poetry for the wrong reasons
spoken about love to come and the perfect thing to look for
Landed a rasta. stumbled across a prince sometimes even a mafia
but they were all codes used to write this perfect poem one day
because i found it all in you
faith love and undeniable loyalty and support

so this year valentines day is not exceptionally special
because it is everyday with you valentines and angels day
but since commerciality demands
i shall show off just what a valentine should really be like

The child in me

so this is me...tired and despaired
looking at myself helplessly like a child lost
yes i am a child lost
looking at myself through my grown up eyes
a child stuck in a huge dress

everyday the grown up in me tries to do right
but is often defeated by the cries of the child inside
am i responsible for what happened then...
no but i cannot help feeling that the one i really love
carried me for nine months
is unhappy because of me.

no matter how much the grown up tries to grow
the child in me cries
trying to break free from this tie, this bond that has enslaved you and I
the very reason you are my smile and am your frown
is the one reason that has let you live in fear
and me in anxiety
to threaten your relationship and exhaust mine

we pray and tag and fight
yet constantly this cord brings us back to where we started
at the beginning of our nine months
me the seed and you the tree
sheltering me when it rained the hardest
and yet when the farmer cuts you down....am not strong enough to save you

so tell me child,
no tell me grown up,
tell me Jesus.....when do i get the freedom
and peace of mind to be me
the real me

Fight to forgive

I was inspired last night from a source I vowed to despise and cut out of my life. They had previously hurt me so much that I used to say there is no way I will associate with these people again.

But failing to forgive only creates a prison for yourself. These bitter feelings are set by you and lack of control on your emotions. In my darkest moment this sworn enemy picked up the phone and preached to me. They showed me that despite having hurt me, they also knew me understood me and blessed me. It was through them that God reminded me my worth.

 He used the very person that i thought destroyed me to rebuild me.
Am I saying you should never cut people out of your life? No but I am saying never let your emotions rule you to the point of hating someone. Everyone is human. Sometimes people hurt us unintentionally sometimes on purpose but how much effect that has on our lives is in our hands. We need to fight for forgiveness because it is the only way you can go forward with your life.

Apart from forgiving others, fight to forgive yourself. Watch the post on Bishop TD Jake's preaching on forgiveness and the many ways in which it binds us.Better yet buy the book above it is available on kindle and see your life transform. Let go of things of the past. Although it is difficult, remember everything that is worthwhile is.
Be blessed

AQA

Three vs four

Set of three keys
Neatly placed on the table
Three vs four
Apparently love can be weighed
I love you but... Am not in love with you

Three years on the table
A long time to decide
How to love you honestly
And have you lie
I stay strong so you cant see me cry
I promised myself you aint worth the try

Now i lie here alone
Better off alone
But the 3 versus 4
Cuts my heart strings still

Still here

Still here
you should have left ages ago
6 months to be precise
should have been your untimely demise

yet you still linger here
leeching on every green grass
still a parasite
despite the hope of the rain

You should have been gone by now
yes you with the short hand
but thirsty eyes
the water gleams more favourably in another land
yet mine you still drain

You still here
no massage can mould you out
you are a past tense
with a present style
gone but still holding on

Time should have erased you
but you still here
time should make you irrelevant
but the pains still fresh
time should have put a stop to your existence
but your selfishness persevered

Still afraid
not of you
not of him
but feelings fear
meeting your style still

Kids4Kids

A song here and a dance there
we sweated for what we believed in
the strifes we bore and the losses endured
never forgotten

The late night bonding
and pleasant banters
after a sweaty afternoon
the cause was never forgotten

we travelled far and wide
singing the songs we loved
in our hearts we grieved
but celebrated the living

Some of us fine
some of us not
but Kids 4 Kids was our motto
for no child
should ever be forgotten

For each painful scream
we danced for help
each moment of loneliness
we played for toys
For each uncertain future
we campaigned for sponsors
for despite the distance
we never forgot them

A baby
a child
a teenager
a woman

what do you do when u all grown up
and you cannot be a kid no more
we walk hand in hand
still inspiring one another
Princes 4 Princes
and
Queens 4 Queens

Power of Faith

Some call it magical thinking but for simplicity we are going to call it faith. There is nothing complex about faith.
Like everything worthwhile, faith is a concept that improves with practise.
Rhonda Byrne in her book 'The Secret' presents faith based on the law of attraction. It is a force that allows you to live your life exactly the way you choose, like painting your perfect picture and the more you believe the more you attract what you wish for from the universe.

Similarly the bible in Hebrews states " faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen"(Heb.11:1) but also emphasises that faith without works is dead.
For a lot of women we are often discouraged because of experiences be it in family friendship or love. Love is notorious for destroying the trust element that is essential to achieving faith. We pray and ask God for a good man who will treat us well but when we go through heartache and pain we forget that we have to go through this pain to discover the real love that we are believing God for.

We close our hearts to love when in actual fact it is just beginning. But hold steadfast to your dream, you do not have to fear ending up divorced like all the women in your family or a victim of domestic violence like your sister instead focus on believing that your life will be different. So he broke your heart, give yourself a break and appreciate that he just showed you another type of love you do not deserve. Let the pain go. Do not nurture it. With practise the more you believe and trust that it will be, the more you open doors for the awesome happiness you trust God for and in turn you will attract only people that fit in with that vision
The mind has a beautiful tremendous power. Use it for as a man thinks in his heart..so is he.

Always Queen Africa

Please yourself before you please others

A lot of the time we care too much what people think of us. We pay attention to our fashion, the songs we listen to, churches we attend and sometimes even the way we speak and think.

These are all mechanisms to either get someone to notice us or accept us or be worthy of their time and praise. We even go as far as compromising ourselves in friendships and relationships.

Firstly, you are just as important as the other person or people. Accept yourself first and focus on who you are and where you are going. Do you like corduroys rather than hipsters? Well wear them because the smile that emanates from you when you are being yourself cannot be compared to the cheap imitation you try to employ.

Secondly, people can only accept the real you. The mask even on a psychopath eventually crumbles. I remember someone tell me “hey Nana you are putting on weight. Anymore weight and we won’t be friends”. Weight does not reduce your personality. I decided I was not willing to keep this up this charade and even though it hurt it was important and necessary for me to remove said ‘friend’ from my life because my happiness tops all else.

Thirdly you can only be worth being around if you love your own company. If you can’t stand yourself you cannot expect others to stand you.

Last but not least if your true colours are not good enough for others but make you happy then those people are not worthy of your time or effort. You have only one life. Enjoy it by being the real vibrant lovely person you were created to be.

The Scary Sound of silence

Have you heard the sound of silence?
or lived in its noisy corner
as it pushes you further
into a silent death

Have you heard the clanking bells
of the invisible chains
that make you swear you going crazy
because only you can hear it

Have you heard silence
disguised by the hateful look
that utters not a word
yet drys all water in you

The silence that with a bang can
cause you to be frantic
like an addict in withdrawal

to shine courageously
only to be silenced again
in prisoned in a chamber of thoughts
with the silence your only fix

Be your own cheer leader

There is no doubt everyone wants to be applauded in some way. Told they are doing a fine job or motivated to go after after what they have always dreamt of.
I personally remember as a child I was called 'miss think a lot'. As the only girl in my family adored by my mother and daddys golden child, I was used to being the best, being told I was beautiful and constantly reminded by my father that no little girl came close. It gave me the confidence to go after everything that I wanted but it was also a drug. Addictive in everyway.

My adoption brought new responsibilities placing me in the field of the go getter, the big sister and the one to set an example. In my 'think a lot moments' I discovered a void I could not fill or understand. My biggest cheerleader was far away oceans apart from me causing me to withdraw from the world around me.

But when life is cruel it is kind too. In wanting to be a good example, when the going got tough I forced myself to get up fix up and propel myself forward. I challenged myself and chose to remind myself it was me against the world. All my dreams were up to me. All my hapiness was up to me. If someone could believe in me like my father, how much more could I believe in myself. the more I convinced myself I was good enough, the more the world agreed with me. Be your own cheerleader and turn others into believers.

chasing a ghost part 2

I write because it liberates me
I write because it makes me realise my dream is possible

The page patiently listens
as the years pour out
and the future unfolds

Each dream I print
is not objected by opinions
or discouraged as ludicrous
nor my ability challenged

It is merely me in control
like a child painting
feels like Picasso
I fly and welcome my freedom

I write because it liberates me
and tells me I can be what I want to be
in the moment pen meets paper
the only hindrance is the spell check
but even that I can control
by simply adding to the dictionary

I create my world
and the next day I believe it more
the more I write
the more my world unfolds into a beautiful creation
that's no longer a ghost

Chasing a ghost part 1

Time spent chasing a ghost of another
wondering what answers it may have for me
was it something I could control
Or will my control never be ordained

Time spent chasing the ghost of my therapist
Revisit your childhood she says
claims that she understand my pain and
of course the answers I seek
ask Sigmund Fraud she says
but he never knew me

Time spent  chasing a ghost wondering why
after all this work I ask who am I?
will I ever amount to anything
or is this as good as it gets?

well the leaves are changing
and the snow freezes over
spring brings life
with the bright promise of summer
but my ghost hangs over

My Father

facebook.com/alwaysqueenafrica
There is no describing my old man….
from when i can remember this was the voice in my growth
the inspiration in my voice
and the wisdom in my choice
Oh yes we interlocked like a set of hands
that are perfectly fitted for one another
my father knew just how to tickle me
for just a few seconds
and yet give me the most memorable laughter
Its no wonder I could never wait till the end of school
with my dress in my sachet
and at the sound of the bell
I changed as fast as superman
and the run to his work
was as fast as the ‘jamaican rocket’.
No I could never wait to spend time with this man
he understood my every smile
and tolerated my little habits
for a time
and when I thought I was getting away with murder
I was in fact heading for a lesson I would carry for life
My father loved to hear me read
hang on…just my voice was enough to brighten his day
no matter what unpleasant noise i made
he looked forward to coming home
and at every 7 pm allow me to take off his shoes
and ease his feet
Yes my father taught me how to understand a man
because I knew when he needed space
if he was watching the news
not even I could distract him
but he loved me
ah my lovely old man
he watched me try to elongate myself
as I tried desperately to touch the chandelier in our home
he would laugh and giggle and encourage me that one day I would
My father got impatient with me
but only when I gave up on myself
he carried me when I was tired
and I still remember his roller coaster rides
on his broad shoulders
come on now..I even have his legs
yes in the lady form
but with them come the strength that can only be my father
Oh yes he was strong…I saw the veins on his arms
popping out defiantly
and I first understood the difference between woman and man
the reason I had to understand my place
and confidently appreciate some authority.
He always let me speak out
would listen to me talk gibberish
but would teach my tongue eloquence
by letting me recite poetry to his students.
my father understood the intricate beauty of my soul
and the trivialities that would appear complex to the naked eye
He saw past my physical
and what was expected of a girl child
but inspired me to be the best girl child I could be
My relationship with my father is the greatest.
by tolerating me
he drew me closer,
by firmly telling me he needed his space
he allowed me happiness when I spent quality time with him
I would look forward to it hence the running to work after school
I was not afraid to love him
because he allowed me to understand his emotions
in his own way
I could never have enough of my father
even in my dreams I dreamt of when next he would be home
to let me sit on his lap and hear me read
to be proud of me
and remind me that am the only jewel of my kind
I knew when my father was hurting
but all he required from me was a little hug
or hard work at school
to remind him it was not all bad
The happiness I gave him
because he allowed me to
was his foundation to making me happy
my father discovered the key to keeping a smile on my face
was sharing my happiness
and providing hope that
everyday was a different challenge
but with equal solution
Yes it all been in past tense this story
but that’s because the history is also the present
my father knows no distance
I have not always been around him physically
but he allows me to embrace his spirit
and knows how to carry my smile in his day
my heart in his pulse
and my love engulfs us even across the seas.
My father is and always will be
my perfect friend.

SOMETIMES

sometimes you sit back and take
one step at a time
sometimes you sit and sigh
but pretend to be fine

sometimes you look at life
and feel it rife
sometimes you strive
for a smile to strike

sometimes you give
never expecting to receive
sometimes you believe
emotions can't be sieved

sometimes you have it all
a life you cannot throw
sometimes you pick at all
so you can find a negative flaw

sometimes you block today
by living in yesterday
sometimes you block your harvest
by eating yesterdays dry bones

sometimes today tries
to eradicate yesterdays lies
sometimes our eyes
fear for our lives

sometimes we cling on yesterday
and make excuses today
sometimes to remain unhappy
or too afraid to deserve happiness

sometimes today gets tired
when it tries it gets fired
sometimes your yesterday hires
a love u once admired

sometimes today understands
its not enough to just try
so it backs off and waits
until your sometimes decides to be an always.

Dedication to the husband God has reserved for me

He is
the one that possess 80% of my what i need
that the 20% left is unnecessary
constantly knowing and understanding
how to fulfil the remainders of the 20

He is

the one that understands 20 won't come over night
but he has the patience and willingness to study hard
and get his 1st degree
a student of autonomy
that understands its philosophy

He is

the one that does not fear the words of a woman
nor taking a virtuous one as a cumbersome duty
like a monkey he learns the skill of unravelling
the beauty that lies within until you eventually
don't have to go through the unravelling ritual

He is

the man that understands beauty as not surface but appreciates
the outside right to the core of the inside
the one that does not fear a woman catering to him
nor does he fear its her way of obtaining the house key

He is

the man that dreams of his woman
that counts his blessings by understanding the wonderful
creation God has taken time to make just for him
and looks forward to every hug and warm embrace when she is absent.

Oh he is

the one that feels his soul lonely in the absence of his queen
but is not overtaken by cravings of others
nor does he deem his loyalty a prison
knowing no woman can ever match up to the beautiful design he wears

He is
the one that looks in his woman's eyes and understands her touch
when she looks in his eyes he is not afraid to melt
he knows the trust she holds is the bedrock of his heart
when she smiles and says 'I love you'
he drops every old pain and lets her wash him new
and every kiss and hug is a rebirth of the man he has always been
but never had the courage to reveal

HE IS

a man amongst men
and the only one of his kind.

I

I
love the things that are simple
but complex
the things that are relaxed and fear nothing
except what they can't see

I
love those that see me as an extraordinary gift
and take time to understand my many sides
they embrace my beauty in any form it comes
they know when am smiling
and when my smile is being a cloud
and when I go silent
but say the most
they know when I stutter
and when am saying shit because the friend of the month is here
when they understand that I
am love and lovable
just as i am.
they know sometimes i talk the most
but in your silence i still listen
that i don't remember all that is said
but the important never leaves me
that I'm one hundred percent woman
just one in a million

I
love a challenge
sometimes hate ambiguity
but in it's weirdness i find something to love about it
I love giving the best
and receiving the better
I love lions
and a little authority to tame me
i can be unpredictable and extreme
but the extremity requires the simplest answers

I
love to find beauty in all
my happiness is overwhelming
but the easiest to deal with
once you discover the skill
its the best evolution


I
love courage and embrace free minds
moving only at will and not because
its imposed
standing up for what is wanted
fighting for what is needed

I
love exercising patience
and not running from what i know
is rightfully mine
the thrill of learning me
knowing i can never be alone
because there's me myself & I
i look in the mirror and each day the love grows
she smiles back at me
and is ready to face another day

I
love the things that don't compromise
but regulate
the things that are unique
and not uniform
they work when they want
but speak with the eloquence of Shakespeare

I
love kindness and hate envy
never boasting but ever hopeful
a warm embrace and lots of affection
its purpose understood
as a part of me that cannot be separated
only engulfed
tasty to the bone like oxtail stew
there's nothing like an empowering love
that flows when needed
and is not afraid to show

I
love the things that don't give up easy
honesty without selfish gain
things that don't tell the 'truth'
to justify the evil of the subconscious

I
love the idea of happiness
but believe in happiness being me
the rest is just the icing on the cake

I...I..I
I just love me =)

No More

My soul does not cry out in pain any more
no do i hear the words in my head saying
shawty why can't you smile no more?

No more do i feel the terror of a beaten down heart
nor the silent thunder of a beating drum
because in a divine era I have become my own master

No more do I seek the comfort of fools
to revive the me that's chocking inside
no more do i measure my smile
at the degree of your contention

No more do I speak the negative words
that are only held as entertainment for limited minds
that see not beyond what the naked eye restricts

Mine is a joy that will sing always
reviving each day as magical as a phoenix
depicting not just a magnificent smile
but illuminating the very essence that is me
which only few are blessed to see

because my soul cries NO MORE!!

Defected Ego

The next dice rolls masked by the deliberate whisk of my arm
a cold smile frozen by the sweet sounds of your lyrical betrayal

See I
understand the words spoken by poets
and the meaning unwritten by the writers of songs
of a defected ego
that display the note, the rhythm, the beat, the tempo, the heightened pride of nothing but a defected ego

See I

understand the flow of a river
and perhaps I could comprehend the battle between rain and ocean
trying to figure out which is the mightier
I can understand the oceans ambition to consume every rain drop
despite the risks of swelling up
and drowning in the land
and I
can make sense of natures career to bombard a nation
and then attempt to fix it
hell i could even try to understand why a tree chooses to be naked in winter

but what I do not know how to do is

understand the speech of the foolish
the reasoning of the selfish and the ludicrous pretentious of walking in your own shadow
when all it now depicts is a dark mirror to your core
where masked by sweet lies and haughty pride
you are prisoner to your defected ego

Lets play dice once more
what will you throw? 2 lies or six? either way you've missed
my hands are held across my face
to you only the back of it now shows
estranging your existence because
you see we two sides of the same coin
mine is always the tail but my head can not be injured by a defected ego

A woman of my own substance
my eyes know not the waters of my soul
they remain hidden
in the tributaries of my spirit
and not that of a defected ego

A Cinders Passion

So they tell me my poetry is always serious and that I never speak of passion...
huh well passion can never be ignited until you find your prince charming

Every Cinderella has her tale...
mine was always one never told because see when I move in the room
I claim everything in it
right down from the bar to the music to the dance floor of life
but u can always tell when they can't handle you...ladies you know what am saying
like when he step to you thinking he got game and just one little wiggle sends
him perspiring, a little gyrating sends his heart doing gymnastics and this snake realises huh
he cannot mate with a lioness

Or when you get the know it all Mr
the one that walk in the room tryna conquer all
thinking a few drinks and a little charm will be enough to show... he the king in this bitch
when what he really is, is a spectator that's watched too much of the discovery channel
that he don't know when you step in the real jungle
a lioness ain't that easy to tame....

so now you all alone on that dance floor..o so it seems
you handling your business swaying that thing and then a tap on your shoulder
gentle as the whispering rain
subtle as a wind blowing on your neck
your knees buckle into submission as the control channels through just that one little touch
as he softly compliments you and tells you just how beautiful you look

see, huh he ain't about the competition, he about the confidence and like a true lion
he knows how to make his queen feel like a gazebo because in his kingdom
she is his subject and all this communicated through a gentle touch.

then as the music plays,one rhythm after another your bodies naturally intertwine
to every beat he takes control and moulds you into every crevice of his body
you feel him breath softly downyour neck stripping every mindless desire as your body
tells him begs him and surrenders in the midst of it all....

and slowly his mind undresses you and your arch sees it
yet you cant stop the feeling you are at his mercy
he now makes you perspire and your pores give birth to your unspoken desires
one look in his eyes and it starts to pour
rivers starts flowing forming an ocean at the mouth of your cave
your lips tingle and your tongue learns salsa as it seeks to engage in this passionate dance that should last forever....even if forever is but a second.

Everything stands still...the music stops apart from the beat in your heart
your spirits are locked in that perfect picture
resting your hand on his chest and the other round his neck
he gets the sweet promise of your tender lips on him again
your tender kisses right on every part
from the top right down to the bottom

He knows he cannot let you go without cupids permission
for in that moment to do so would be the perfect crime
he holds you for a while longer and takes you in his mouth
a kiss so intense that only his hand would stop this ocean from overflowing
in his eyes you see the power
in this tongue you feed the passion
whats in his heart you know not
but in due season
you understand the movement of him was the very heart of you
your giant prince
and you his Cinderella

Speak

Speak oh voice speak of my tribulations and trials
Speak of my endless nights in tears and heartbreak
Speak of everything that defines me as human
Speak of all the times I have felt alone
Speak of all the times i have allowed myself to feel shame
Speak of the times when i had no solution to my problems

Oh do you remember oh voice
when you wailed so loud when he left us
Or when you told all the neighbours of our family's loss
Speak of the time when no arms could hold me
because of the despair i felt
of the curse i felt that failure was my destiny
speak of the time when a change in environment
brought the change of season in my mood
was it merry?

No speak of the loneliness that befriended me in the midst of company
or the agrression that i showed loved ones because of the hate that was growing within me
speak of the passion with which i spoke
the desperate attempt to find favour in the wrong places
yes speak oh voice
speak as loud as you have in the past
before I found his grace

Shout oh voice
Shout of all the things you have believed me to be agrieved by
Shout of all the times I have fallen
Shout of all the intimidation that I closely embraced
Yes thats right

You can shout of the several attempts to be a somebody
only to come out feeling nothing but paranoid
foolish and sometimes desperate for the ground to take me
because all she seemed to breath my way was mist
Speak of when my future was nothing but a mirage
plagued by tortious thoughts
bombarded with agony and lamentation

when I forgot his grace was within me

Yes you can speak of all that
because today I sing of his mercy
today I sing of a better tomorrow
today I sing of a vision i see clearly
today I sing of a future I can almost hold in my hands
today I sing of the brightness of my smile

I sing of the optimism and the faith
I sing because I am not a friend of agony
but of tranquillity
I sing of a hope that today and tommorrow my people will not embrace
the pain of the past afflictions
nor will we be defined by it
Yes voice I sing of the optimism i have in humanity
that all of us will be blessed in his grace
soaked in his favour

I sing of the inspiration and the strength
I got from our hard times
for when one suffers we suffer as one
I sing of the understanding and esteem of which
we as a people will walk
the confidence with which we shall embrace our futures
because his grace is sufficient for us!!!!

Never Duplicated

She stole my lyrics thinking if the ink is the same and the speech the same then she is in the game!!
she scribbled everyday till her fingers bled
till she bleet like a goat
and stayed up all night making calls to her soul
till her eyes were popping outta their sockets
just practising to write like me

Boy how she tried to walk and talk and even think like me
but that is one long journey to embark
Each time she tried she only got a slight imitation
that was never close to the original
only a mirage that was constantly slippin from her every grasp
an awful stench of desperation

Nanalicious....thats me
you aint nothing but duplicatious
a sad sos from the dungeon of empty expression
constantly enstranging you
from the reality of ur insignificant vapour
that only lives once again through the power of my words

She gave it one last try to write a fullstop like me,
how to get... that ..dot...mmmm... just rite but babygirl,
my signature
comes with a sigh
and the sound he reads along with that fullstop
can only comezedbeats.com from the O...oooo OO that my mouth makes
so when you busy ending like me???
look at his eyes and see the satisfaction he still seeks

To smile like me??...hell i got the perfect dumpling face
the smile that reminds him of his favourite african food
the timing of those parting lips that aim not for his smile
but to engulf his whole being
that when he sees it'
all he can say is 'wow!!you can kill someone with that smile'

so go ahead and write like me
speak like me and even try if you may to think like me
but to be me???????????
you will find that the ink may be the same but i aint no bic pen
the lyrics may be same but our HANDS are totally different
i whisk ,you work
i write, you try
and when he tired of your efforts
its my book he will be reading

Testimony

I have come through many hard tribulations in my life
and i know my song is no different from the next one
each one carries a burden according to their ability
and there is no telling how heavy or light

Only at the cross do we find solace
where you can pour your heart and soul
at the foot of the cross where we can find mercy
our burdens are washed always

Sometimes we wake up full of hope
and everything seems to go our way
your job school and family
we often become content with the feeling of always needing
always craving
always seeking

But the truth of the matter remains
when we lean on our own understanding
and think without him we are ok?
we forget he is the giver of life
and he can take it away

Go back to the cross
it is not only for burdens
it is not only for tears
it is a fountain of life
it is also for thanks giving
it is also a place to give him glory praise and honour
lest we perish.

Only at the cross do we find solace
where you can pour your heart and soul
at the foot of the cross where we can find mercy
our burdens are washed always

Commit all unto him
speak pf his goodness
and remember who held ur hand in those trying times
remember who consoled you when you had no consillor
remember who scoops you up in the knick of time
remember when you happy who constantly shares that joy
remember the cross
where his love poured on you.

Little Miss Analysis

She is never just in one place nor in one mind
little miss analysis
Thinking of tomorrow and the distant past
but forgetting to live for today
"Dont worry" she tells herself
Today will just be a history she can correct later

Miss analysis
does nothing but think
grand ideas that make her tragically weak
she has it in control in ...
her thoughts
but how do we handle her when she wakes?

Oh!!! but she is a grand advisor
She will give you an anecdote for all your troubles
She will smile and listen to all your problems
just make sure you come with more problems tomorrow
otherwise you shall surely ruin her

Miss analysis
lives temporarily
today she realises yesterday was too late
she has nothing to show for her achievements
its all in her mind
the feeling of failure begins to consume her

Oh well
something to think about again
the fear of never making it tomorrow buries her
the hot cuddle it gives suffocating her

Today she will date him
she may even love him
but trust me tomorrow she will give him her diagnosis
"Sorry sir but you too have the shitmen syndrome"

Yet she will fix your relationship in a giffy
she can identify your problems
so smoothly you wish she were your counselor
but miss analysis is
just a girl with a broken past
still trying to live
or find herself
by analysing you and me

IRREPLACEABLE

 This was written for anyone that knows the pain of losing a loved one. You will understand when I say that they are simply irreplaceable but in the comfort of Gods promise we know he watches over them. It ended at calvary. M.T.R.I.P


 It's been so long since you left us
yet today is the only time i have found the strength and words to
express the emptiness you left us.

On lookers say today is a day just like any other but
the memory of you bleeds like a gushing wound.
A day that tore the elastic of an elephants memory.
A single act was the straw that broke the camels back because
the love we shared i never thought would end.

Each day goes by and we hold you in our hearts and hell i
even laugh like you sometimes.
It's funny cuz for a moment you alive with me again...
and then like a lover abandoned am alone again when reality dawns...
now your birthday approaches and i still count how old you would be.
Tears well up in my throat as I choke on them for the thousandth time
trying to keep composure and
 I vow once again that as long as i am alive you will be too.

We will grow old together because my mind has your
pictures
your smiles
and everything you treasured.
its your home and
my heart your sanctuary.

I Am AFRICA

Yes I know am black
and my shade is not completely even
I also know am stubborn
you can tell
because no matter how straight
my hair doesn't dance with the wind

I may be behind in technology
I may not understand your speech
It could be my strong accent
Or simply the way I speak
That makes you think me naive
And a girl u can cheat...suziba Mayo wa pa Africa

I may be backward
Because I don't do links
You may think me ancient
In my beliefs of self preservation

Yes I am africa
And Africa is me
My different shades
define my different seasons
depending on the plough
my harvest can be rough....Recognise Mayo wa pa Africa

My hair stays strong
because my mind never falters
each stubborn strand
is my arrow in battle

Yes I am Africa....Mayo wa pa Zed
I will not change for you
I was taught to be respectful
and denounce anything shameful...ishi e ntambi shesu
I was taught to be humble
and to submitt when need be
but to be a fool for someone
is against tradition.

So no!! I do not understand a link
Mother Africa taught me different
you cannot pee on someone's head
and then tell them its raining...uko ni ku pusa

I am africa
that does not make me backward
Simply those who enter my temple
Should be there to worship
My belief in self preservation
is why all over the world I have a strong nation.

Yes I am Africa
And Africa is me
slavery tried to cheat me
and see me as naive
but look at how my children learnt
and are having the last laugh
and one rules the world
so am a woman you can't cheat.