Mens Secret Cries- Moving on

I threw the remote at the TV. What can I say it was the only thing in my vicinity that could express my anguish. The tears I had harbored for so many years came tumbling down violently. Cries were no longer secret. They were as loud and angry as a hungry new born. I had lost her. How could I have been so stupid? To make her think that any of what we had was a lie?How did I manage all that in less than a week?

To be honest, every single time I thought she was going to leave,  I got the feeling that she was not being serious but the look on her face this morning suggested different. I have to find her.

'Julie, Julie thank God,' I panicked after Julie picked her phone on the third ring. 'No please don't hang up!'

'What do you want now Bwembya? I am tired of this drama between you two. I have better things to do with my time.'

'I know but I could really use your help and this is the last time I promise. Just tell me where she is,'

'I wish I could but you know what your girl is like. She will have my head.'

'I know but you and I both know I messed up,'

'Have you been crying? Your voice sounds wet.'

I ignore the comment but i am fully aware that she can hear the tremor in my throat which is proving harder to hide by the minute. Just wish she did not have to complicate issues further. As though reading my mind, she heaves and decides to release me from the pressure of hiding the tears.

'She is at my house but I am not sure that today is the best time to see her. You have really hurt her Bwembya I mean seriously! How could you fail to tell her you love her back instead you lay there and query what Chris did to her? what the hell were you trying to prove man?'

'Julie I know. I messed up big time really I did but I cannot....I cannot breath without her. I hate breathing without her. The mere thought that I may never see her again....Julie please. I am dying without her,'

'I am not the one you should be telling that. You should find her but only go for her if you are sure that she is who you want. For real.'

'Thanks. I will.' With a bolt of hope racing through my veins I put my act together and took to the road. Nothing was going to keep me from her again. I blasted Aaron Neville 'I'm gon love you even if my heart would break' as the car eased through the great east road towards my woman. The closer I got, the more I felt nervous. She had every reason not to take me back but I prayed relentlessly for divine intervention. Moments later I was parked outside Julies home. The big silver gate blocked any view of the interior. I hooted twice and the gates swing open. A young man of about 18 opened the gate in ankle swingers and a tattered t-shirt that hang off his shoulder.

'Is anyone home?' I asked him in Nyanja. He nodded in agreement. The garden was decorated by an expensive Range Rover facing the front of the house. I got out slowly and contemplated whether or not to call her first. It is probably better to just get on out and face her without giving her a reason to block me out. A range rover? That is something new. I never thought for  second that Julie was doing so well. I head over towards the front door and hear a couple of voices laughing and giggling. Before I  rap on the door, a tall handsome guy steps out the door looking like a black James Bond.....