Bigger than Love pt8

'Who is this???!!!' The question is repeated. Diana frantically begins to introduce herself but Bana Kulu Clarence pushes her out of the way and opens the sliding door. We peek out of the window for a second and she spots us. Damn. Now we have to come out.

'Mulishani,' we both mumble kneeling as we greet her.

'Just bring me some water' She says brushing us off with a flick of the hand. 'Better yet give me some Nshima, chicken and whatever else is in Jordan's fridge. Women who have not cooked at this time!' It is 10am. She summons Jay into the living room with his girl whilst we get busy cooking and David sits at the dining table ignoring her. ' So who is this?'

'She is my friend' replies Jay.

'Oh Oh!! Does your father know she is here?'

'Yes. Daddy says she is welcome here'. Bana Kulu grabs Diana by the hand and drags her to the kitchen with the rest of us and then stands by the kitchen counter scrutinising her. I would hate to be her right now. She is brave not to leg it out of here right now. There is utter silence for about five minutes. And then the demon speaks.

'So, is this how you come to your in laws house?'

'What do you mean?' says Diana.

'You come here looking like this?' She motions a gesture with her hands pointing at Diana from head to toe. Her face looks downright disgusted and her chin drops far enough to comfortably rest on mount breastanjalo. She is a right sight for sore eyes.

'Ah we were just passing by'.

'Passing by? You came here with those tight trousers notu puti natudinda!!' I drop the pot at the sound of those words. 'Oh, look at this one now! Clean it up and take over' she commands Diana. 'When you finish, you can leave and come back when you have a ring on your finger'. Funny how Diana cannot say anything now about how she cannot do chores in our house until she is married yet she happily eats from here.

Bana Kulu Clarence turns to Jay and David now. 'What is it that your father wants to see me about? David you again ka being summoned ku courtroom'.

'Something like that' the boys respond simultaneously. Bana Kulu kisses her teeth then carries on complaining.

'Jordan is really missing his days as a teacher mwe. I don't have time for this. I have a lot of places to be but awe sure. Jordan talafika naku n'ganda, talanya nokunya and he wants to summon me! heh this world is coming to an end. Next I will be summoned ati Lanie is pregnant!' Nailed it! That is my cue to leave. Mimi follows me back to the bedroom and I quickly finish getting ready to head out.

We sneak out via the back door whilst the demon is in the living room. I have arranged to go and confess my sins to Jays pastor and see if it relieves me of this horrible feeling then I will stop by the clinic and see what they can do for me. You know like tell me how far gone I am.

Pastor John listens intently as I tell him what has been happening in my life and how far from God I now felt..

'First of all, you have committed a sin of fornication because you are not married but do not go further by committing and even bigger sin of abortion' he says in his firm Nigerian accent. 'You no go dey happy till u dey true wit urself oooo. Di bible say, If a man go meet Christ he don become new person and everything wey he don so, dey don pass be dat and wetin u need now be sey make you gather yourself together and face your people dem. Yes. Does this boy have babies elsewhere?'

'No pastor' I answer between tears and inwardly grateful for my time in Leicester where I learnt Pidgin due to the high number of Nigerians present at my university. It certainly helps with understanding the pastor!

'Good!!!Is he working?'

'Yes. He has just found a job but it is going to be in Kafue. I will only see him every fortnight though and I don't know how I will cope without him. The pressure at home is intense. They want him to come home and talk to my parents'. I show him a text from Caroline telling me to leave Ryan because she is of the opinion he is not serious.

'Give this boy a chance! Your family is being too hard on him. Give him some time. He will come around but he does not sound like a bad boy. What I think is that you two should come and see me before he leaves for Kafue to help you have some guidance on how to handle this. Don't forget that he also needs to know how to approach his parents and tell them what has happened!!'. After a prayer with pastor, I promise him that of course Ryan will be coming with me for prayers. I call Ryan and tell him what the pastor said but he seems a bit distracted. I figure that perhaps he is busy with the packing as he says and decide to talk about it later.

My next stop is Chilenje clinic. It is a Monday and I was told by Mimi that they do appointments for scanning. I arrive there and the place is crowded as usual. Gosh this is depressing. The Doctor calls me in and asks me details about when I found out about the pregnancy. She calculates it by some complex mathematics to be at about four weeks which works out that conception happened around christmas time. That was two weeks into my arrival. Gosh the shame apprehends me. Two weeks in a country and I am already pregnant. I decide to put an end to this nightmare once and for all. If I am honest with myself, Ryan sounded like he was about to leg it and right now I resent him. I'd be darned if I have to get stuck with this baby that might just look like him and remind me of him if he decides to bolt. My heart is heavy. I suddenly feel very angry. How dare he! He gets to go off and have his mind off this for as long as this project takes. By the time he gets back, I'll be due to return to England. I do not realise it but my eyes are wet and tears are dropping down my face. The doctor brings me back to reality and decides to give me a pep talk.

'Child, do not get rid of this baby. If the father chooses not to be there, you will find someone else who will love both of you, you and the baby. I am going to give you some vitamins that you should take from now on and avoid all sort of stress. Forget anything else. It is not good for your blood pressure. Wipe your tears and take the corridor to your right and head to the scan department.' I am grateful for this kindness which is rarely shown by Zambian nurses or doctors. They usually make you feel like it is your fault that you are unwell.

The scan confirms the doctors calculations. Something changes in me after seeing the little one in my Uterus. 'Yes it is definitely there he says. The cervix is closed.' I watch the screen and he points out to me which part of the scan is the baby and then prints the scan and hands it to me. I am still crying but this time for a different reason. How can I ever hate you? I think. Suddenly I am overcome with emotion at the thought that this little dot will one day grow to love me. It depends on me, not Ryan who should have been here with me right now but it doesn't matter. We have each other. One thing I can agree with Ryan is that this is definitely Lubuto. My light. My baby. My evrything. I hold my belly protectively and exit the clinic. It is muddy from the rain but I don't care if I am dirty.

I rush through the crowds and manage to find a mini bus. First stop, Lubuto and I are going to Levy junction mall, the place where I feel safe whenever I miss England. The mall literally looks like a piece of England and eases the feeling of being home sick. If I can call England home. Diaspora has made it hard to find a home. I am a foreigner in England and when I come to Zambia I am never fully intergrated. Never mind. Today Lubuto and mummy are going to have an awesome time. Then we are going to call Lubuto's God mother, aunty Chichi and tell her the good news, have a meal and watch a movie.

I board the bus and squeeze in right at the back so that I do not have to keep getting off to let people off. The bus driver is rough over the bumps and a few people complain but he does not listen. The Lioness in me is furious! All I think of is how he could be hurting fragile little Lubuto with all these freaking bumps!

'Slow down iwe nichani!!! If you cannot see or drive stop this damn bus right and let us get off. Who the hell do you think you are?'

'Mmmm Sister naiwe nichani...' he begins but I interrupt and send him a few bollocking words that I never knew I was capable of. The whole bus is now quiet listening to me rant on like a crazy woman. The bus driver approaches the next hump and I yell at him to take it slow

'I am with Child so help me God if you go over one more hump like a mad man I will break my stiletto into your backside!' at this point I am past caring about my accent and I know I sound terribly British. The bus driver to my surprise goes over the next hump so gently that the passengers give an applause. I smile and calm down and whisper to Lubuto 'Mummy has got you baby. Mummy has got you. You are safe'.