Silent Wives- Chapter 19- Tell me now!

I took the rubbish outside and cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. Passy was taking a bath and I told her I did not want her to do anything until she we had been to see the doctor. The day was no longer young so we had to hurry the hell up. Tying the plastic bags up, I lifted two in one hand and the licking one in the other hand and hoped it would not make too much of a mess. Since it was not too far to the nearest door, I decided whatever mess was coming was worth the risk.

Passy heaves again. She is obviously pregnant even though she claims that she feels ‘malaria -malaria so…’ she said this with a downcast miserable expression on her face that made her look younger than she was. I had called back Diana and heard the terrible news about Jeff. It is indeed a shame that he thinks he and her are the same size. My mind floats back to the days when Claire was so strong that she would not let any man tell her what to do or who she would be. In her place now was a shadow of Claire. There was no life left in her not even as much as banter. It was all gone. We lost Claire the day she said ‘I do’. I feel guilty that we did not put enough pressure on her not to marry into that family. Even my own mother said to her “you cannot marry a man whose umbilical cord has not been cut off”. She told her this during one of the times that Claire visited me to come and see the tailor in our street. She wanted to have a dress made for her mother. Her mother likes the traditional outfits very much so Claire said it was fine for her to wear one. Mummy sat her down in one of those sermons that she likes to administer to me about marriage whenever the occasion called for one. Claire had rolled her eyes at mummy as though she was an interfering cow. Not to my mother’s face of course. She did this when mum turned her back and started stirring the beef stew that was boiling on my stove. The smell of ginger filled the room with an intoxicating ambiance.

None of us had ever really dared say much apart from Diana. Diana had said that Jeff was a boy with a manhood he could not handle. She had said that if burglars came into the house, that Jeff would gladly sacrifice his own woman to save his life for he was like a snail with no vertebrae… Claire shook her head and said was it not her own mother who had advised her that she was not marrying his family? As it turns out, she married the family and adopted the mother as well. Mohammed Ali had also decided there was room for him and his boxing gloves in the house. It had turned into a fist of fury instead of a nest in paradise. I dash the bin bags into the bin and head back into the kitchen to wipe the mess off the floor. Temwani should be here soon and it would be better for both of us if he did not find us home. For someone who was not my husband he sure was demanding!

‘Passy! Let’s go we are going to be late. We need to make sure we get there before the sun takes its leave.’

Passy emanates looking rough. Her hair looks rough. You can see the lines of the comb through it. It looks like the yard when she has freshly swept it. I grab hold of her jacket and let her out of the door. I still take the house keys and head out with Passy.

‘Passy, are you pregnant?’

‘Aunty awe!-I don’t know’ she says keeping her head down. I have to ask her the necessary evil. It has been two years now and I have not had any concrete evidence as to whether she is doing it with my man. I have just never had the concrete evidence so bringing the case to Temwani, or even suggesting it has been futile. I have had nothing else to lean on since the condom incidence. It has been a nightmare time for me but I have decided to start making some changes. Walking into the unknown. A territory that I have feared in the past. I cannot turn out to be like Claire. She was my idol once but I have been slapped by women before, been in a bitch fight but never ever have I been hit by a man. Tem Tem has become so comfortable that he is not even pulling his weight in the house anymore. The last time he bought any food, I still believed in Father Christmas! Screw the beliefs of aunty cause they don’t work anyway! I have to start living by own standards and God help this girl if that seed is Temwani’s!

‘No I don’t think I am pregnant-y’ she has improved vastly with her English but still chooses to sing her words. I get bold and ask her the forbidden question. Screw aunty and all her crazy notions! She does not have to live with this mess and if she does it in her home, I do not know how to handle it! I have to start living my life the way I want to. If I want to live in a fantasy land I will bloody well do so!

‘Passy are you carrying my man’s baby?’ Passy stops in her tracks and looks up at me disbelief registered on her face at the audacity of my question. I feel the same anger that I felt that night with Taonga and Charlie except this time it would register on the Richter scale! ‘Are you sleeping with Temwani!?’ I look at her directly with my lip curled at the corner biting back any humiliation that threatens to surface. The sky announces the swift change over in time with sounds of crickets in the grass. They croak at every corner but one can never seem to discover their hiding place. Soon mosquitos will join the party and we will be the barbeque but I don’t care. Something has got to give and it is about time people started talking. I tap my foot ferociously and that is when her weary eyes notice that this mama right here is ready to give her a thrashing!

‘No I am not carrying his baby aunty-yy. I am not!-’

‘If we get to the clinic and I find out it is not malaria but a baby you will see what I will do to you. It better come out positive!’

‘Aunty- me I would never do that to you! I would never do that to you!’ she is beginning to cry and I feel even more empowered by her display of weakness. I am enjoying this. I have never been in such a spot before. Not really anyway! I turn and start walking really fast then call back to her to keep it up. The whole way I summon every ounce of saliva I have to make the loudest kissing my teeth sounds I can make. I do this about every three minutes. It works to intimidate Passy but and she keeps sobbing. When we get to the chemist, I ask the guy at the counter for the pregnancy kit and tell him to hurry up.

‘Which one is it that you are after madam?’

‘Give me the most accurate one that you have! The devil is expecting a relative to join him soon!’ the guy at the counter looks at me a little confused but he knows better than to ask any questions. His eyes move and discover the sobbing Passy. It does not take a genius to figure out that she is the relative to whom I refer.

‘Come on quickly let’s go home!’ I say shoving the test in my handbag. Passy wants to ask if we are going to the clinic but I figure she can do that in her own damn time. I think about my mother telling me that I am a free cow. The various attempts I have had at having a baby to no avail! I suppose it is God’s way of punishing me for the abortion yet my body has a bad habit of sinning. Living in sin, attempting to get pregnant outside marriage, the whole furore is a mess! It is not a long way to the chemist from the house but it would be in our best interests to walk fast before the rain finds us. You can already smell the soil announcing its arrival.

When we reach the house I tell Passy to go straight to the toilet and pee on the stick. She does as she is told and whilst I wait I think of what I will do exactly if she is pregnant but more so if it is Temwani’s baby she is carrying. Of course she thinks I can tell just by her peeing on the stick since I am a nurse but she does not know the complexity of DNA and all that jargon. Ignorance is bliss. This should be enough to get a confession out of her. I smirk at my genius mind. Passy opens the door and looks at me. Her face is wet with tears…..

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