Bigger than Love pt7

' Shhhhh' the man whispers. 'Don't even try to struggle one bit or I'll cut you to pieces'. He lets go of me and bursts out laughing.

It is only my brother Mwilla!! 'What the fuck???' I scream. 'That is no where near hilarious! You had me thinking I was going to be raped or worse killed by one of these maniac taxi drivers roaming the streets of late!'.

'That was exactly the point' he says emphatically. 'Where the hell do you think you are going in this night? Dad sent me to find you and bundle you back into the car which is exactly what I am going to do but instead of going home, we can drive somewhere and you can get me up to speed with what on earth has been going on. You owe me that much'.

My phone rings and it's Ryan. 'Hey Baby. What do you mean you have left home? Do you want to come over?' He asks very calmly.

'Yes. Can I stay with you tonight?'

'Gee sweety, I was just talking to my friend after your frantic message and if you really sure about this then it's fine you can definitely come over. Just get a cab and I'll pay for it this end. My friend is of the view however that if you come and stay here, it will aggravate the situation.'

'And you agree with him?' I ask somewhat disappointed.

'Baby, like I said, you can come but how do I take you back when I come to explain issues with your parents?'

'Fine. Whatever'. I hang up not caring whether or not I was rude. I get into the car and explain to Mwilla what had transpired and how pissed I was that mum was the real cause of all this drama. She did not handle this at all well and I was livid with her. He tells me how Daddy was so so cross that he called mum and told her that I walked out on him. 'Despite him being so angry, he is just trying to look out for you. You know January is not a good month for Daddy since it is the same month as Chimunya died and you falling pregnant in this month, he just feels as though this month is jinxed. Not to mention he is very protective of you. You are his only girl after all. He has not seen you in ten years and he is anxious because he knows nothing about Ryan.' Mwilla has a point. I calm down a bit and decide to head back with him after driving around for a short while. My phone shows 15 missed calls from Ryan. 'You should call him back. He is just as stressed as you are'. I send a text instead and tell him I am fine and heading home.

We arrive home and I head straight for my room. Jay says nothing as usual. I enter the dark room not caring to turn the light on. I fall straight into bed sandals and all and instantly fall asleep.

'Ifpyango Ifpyango pyange!!!!!!' I am awoken by the broom sellers early at 6am as they sing their advertising song for brooms. I try to ignore it but the woman is getting closer to our house and her voice gets all the more loud. I sit up in bed and pull my phone from under the pillow. There are several message from Malachi and it soothes me. I can just about manage a smile across my face. The last message is even better.

''Hey honey. Guess what! Remember the Uncle I told you would help me find some work? Well he has found something for me in education research.''

''Oh great this has come at such a good time considering all the headache I have been getting about you being a musician and unemployed''

''Baby this music thing is not my career. I am going to put it on hold and take this job now that I have a baby on the way=)''

''Awww baby. That gives me the courage to see this through and fight for what we have. You do know it will be a lot of fighting though right?''

''I know honey but I will do right by you and Lubuto. That is what we will call the baby''

''Oh is that right? Never mind what I want then!'' I reply snidely.

''Well you are not going to like this bit then. I will be working from Kafue and you will only see me every fortnight''

''Oh for fucks sake babe!! I am not staying in this country indefinitely! I cannot afford to not see you in the short time I am here!! Let alone deal with all this stress without you..'' I whine.

''You will see me sweety but you and I both know that I need to do this for us. I need to be a man. I love you so much and I never want you and Lubuto to want for nothing. He will be the light at the end of the tunnel. You are my world. Let me do this for us.''

''Fine. I understand. You have to find your way back home every weekend though. That is non negotiable.''

'Lanie baby! Lanie!'. Oh gosh it is my cousin David. David is awesome and in a lot of ways a clown like my late brother Chimunya. He has no real boundaries but is an absolute sweetheart. Except he is also a bit of a trouble maker and according to him, as last borns we are in the same league. No way can I match up it him. Last week alone it was discovered that he had been a naughty boy drinking when he knows it aggravates his sugar levels. His mother is my Dads elder sister. She is constantly complaining to Daddy about Davids mishaps. God knows this boy always has a tale  or two to fill me in with. I just don't get why he is hear so early.

The door bursts open and David dives on top of the covers on top of me. 'Lanie Lanie Lala!! Get up woman.'

'What do you want David! Go away'

'Erm first of all I have to remind you that we are going to have your picture taken for your NRC today so you my friend will have to get ready soon. Lanie, I got a text from Uncle saying that I should make sure you are ready for 10:00. Is everything OK cuz obviously he does not need to go through me to contact you.'

I jerk out of bed my hair ruffled and my eyes puffy from all the crying I had done. My mascara and eyeliner have replaced my eyes with panda eyes and I look like something from Micheal Jacksons thriller movie.

'Oh David. I have screwed up big big time'.

'Hey hey there little lady. Come down. You look like shit. What happened?' He asks inching closer to me. His fingers brush tendrils of hair out of my face. Start from the beginning. I tell him all about the texts, the test, the fact that I was pregnant and now that Ryan was going to Kafue and I would only see him fortnightly.

'Well little lady, it is not the end of the world. I'll tell you what. Send a text to uncle and tell him that you are sorry about last night OK. You will need to difuse him before we head to town. Then just stick to your guns that you are not sure that you are pregnant and if you start showing in three months, then we can cross that bridge then. Meanwhile little lady you do not need this stress for you or the baby. One thing I am sure about is that you should not have an abortion.'

'But you said one of your girls had one.'

'Yes but I would not want it for my sister. It is complicated and does not always go well. People become infertile and get all sorts of complications. Some die little mama so don't do it OK. Once the baby is born, the way these people will fuss over it will be unbelievable and you will even forget this ever happened. What about Ryan, what does he want?'

'He says he wants us to keep it. He will talk to his dad about coming to see Daddy about damages.'

'Does he want to marry you?'

'We have talked about it. I am not sure now though'.

'OK you can tallk to my mum and tell her that his people want to come and see Daddy because you know you cannot tell him directly right?'

'No I don't know that. tradition is so damn complicated. There is so much I do not know Dee'.

'Yeah well, that is how it goes'. (Knocking at the door)

'Come in'

'Lanie, how are you lelo?'Jay asks smiling. I am grateful to see him.

'I am fine bro. Sorry about last night'

'What are sisters for if not to inconvenience you?' He sniggers. 'Do you want some breakfast? I can make you some toast and a fried egg. I will send Mwilla out for some polony. Would you like that?'

'I would like that very much'. He laughs immitating my British accent. I hate it when he does that. Lord knows I am trying to get rid of said accent so I can go shopping alone but when I do the street vendors laugh at me and call me foreigner in my own country. Don't get it wrong, I speak Bemba quite well, it is just the accent that sells me out usually I get caught out in my second sentence.

Jay goes out and leaves me with David who continues his pep talk.

'OK, so if he wants to marry you anyway, approach this from a different angle, let him come to your folks with agenda of marriage and by the time negotiations are done, it won't matter if you are pregnant'. He is so proud of his genius plan, but I am not sure that is how I want to get engaged.

'Well think about and let me know will you' David says. ' I think it will be a brilliant idea and you will completely be stress free. Just take it easy with the drink. Anyway enough about you. You know what uncle and my mum are like right. They think that I am not ready to get married but the truth of the matter is that mum does not like my woman because she is Tonga'.'Dee, that is not true. What have you done this time?''No seriously. You know what they are like. Since both of them retired it has brought all their attention upon us children. We have become their fulltime job and you and I are topping the charts at the moment! Anyway I told uncle that I was going to take nsalamu and that he should come with me. When he spoke to me he was cool with it but as soon as he took the report to mum, you know what she said right…''Awe, te mwambo! ( My aunty Charity was fond of this phrase every time she disapproved of something. Me not wearing a chitenge in the house - te mwambo, my brother not picking her up on time - te mwambo. Mwambo being custom or tradition. 

Her and dad are so obsessed with umwambo to the point where it loses all logic!) David? To marry that girl? Te mwambo mwaiche wandi' I say imitating her soft voice and mannerisms by folding my arms tilting my head humbly to the side and shaking it ever so slightly in firm disapproval. David and I burst out in fists of laughter.'You may just be in luck because the focus has been shifted from you to me now. It is now fully on me babes. I told your brother that we should take matters into our own hands and take the nsalamu to the girls house ourselves'.'Have you suddenly gone insane David? Awe te mwambo!!Even I know that! That is so not sexy! It is bang out of order! Why the rush? Huh…is she up the duff as well?''No she is not up the duff.' He drops to the floor and decides this is an appropriate time for him to do sit ups. There should be a law against cousins flirting I swear to God. 

'She told me if we don't take the nsalamu soon, her father is going to withdraw his allowance for us to come and see him about this. So my friends and I asked some random old man to act as my uncle and we took the nsalamu. Now uncle has found out because we were charged 15 cows! Of course he was livid when I told him yesterday. I mean he brought up the topic saying we ought to go and finalise issues there. Now they are all coming here to congregate and discuss what to do with me. I am in a proper mess little mama.' I am rendered speechless. This means all of Daddy's sisters are going to be in this house today. I better get my act together and tell him I am not pregnant. What better way than to let the very person who ignited this fire do it for me. I immediately send a text to Caroline being as good as gold and telling her that I am in fact not pregnant. David kisses my cheek and leaves the room to go and hang out with my brothers.

 I follow him into the kitchen where a perfectly laid breakfast is waiting for me. The one person I did not expect to see so early is Diana. Diana is my brother Jays prissy little girlfriend. She totally does my head in. she is a slender one and is Bemba too so you know she equals my attitude. There is nothing Jay will not do for her which often means me quite literally taking the back seat. Little miss perfect is also a wannabe pious madam. If you ask me she ought to marry a priest although I do not buy this act for a second! Just last week at church, I enquired about their tithe envelopes at their church and can you believe the little cow had the audacity to put me on the spot and give me a lecture on tithing! Her friend had to reign the chi Wawa in before I tore her to shreds. Anyway two can play that game.

My play daughter Mimi comes in to see me and we make off into the bedroom offering fake polite smiles to the those chilling in the kitchen.

'Mummy huh what is the deal? You look a mess. So not sexy!'  She is cute and bubble and is always smiling. Sure Mimi does not like to do house chores but she is not want to stand for messy mascara, hair or nails so she is genuinely appalled by my appearance.

'Your mummy is pregnant and some shit went down with your grandpa last night!!' Huh!!Mimi gasps sitting herself down in front on my big mirror and helping herself to my make-up. Tell me everything!!' She squeaks. So once again I pour my tale about the last two nights and how Caroline messed it all up. Then I tell her David's business and that the wicked witches will be gathering at our place later that day.

'Later?? No mummy. I just saw Bana Kulu Clarence by the ka sido when I was coming and you know I had to duck and dodge her. That's why I am here. To see if you want to come out with me before all hell breaks loose. You know she is not easy to handle!''Oh gosh if she finds Diana here, this will be a funeral''I know but do you want to rescue her? You hate her guts!' she sniggers.'True. Let's stay and watch the show unfold'. We burst out laughing so hard. Bana Kulu Clarence is rowdy and bitchy ( bitchy is not used in the same context as Zambia. It is simply referring to a person with the disease of character and attitude and Bana Kulu is all that and a lot more!) and just down right cruel. She cares nothing for tradition really and when she applies it, there is usually a hidden agenda. She stands at 5ft4, fat and is well into her 70's. Recently she tried a round of the skin bleach Carolite. The results were hilarious to say the least. Her bosom is something of a double EE cap. Mum claims I get my breast from her but the thought of inheriting anything remotely attached to her is terrifying. Her lips are a slight pink, not from lipstick but from the local brewed beer Chibuku. I think she is the only human on this earth who would frighten Mugabe into giving up his presidency. She is the definition of Queen Bee!

The gates swings open and in walks Bana Kulu breasts first! We quickly get up and bolt the door and we can hear the boys scrambling for an exit but are caught before they can escape! ‘And who is this???' She yells. Ooops Diana just got discovered.