I look around at the crowded court room. The look on people’s faces is one of disdain and disgust. Corners of mouths have developed a furrow and a woman in the corner of the first row clutches a young lady next to her as if harm could come to her at this very moment just from hearingTrevor speak. But there is no sympathy for Trevor. His prior conviction does not evoke sympathy from anyone in the room. Perhaps more people understand the severity of this issue than I gave them credit for.
Dante returns majestically to our table after questioning his witness. He airs the confidence that he has this case in the bag. The defence on the other hand come in just as hard. Cross examining Trevor, he points out all his failings as a father, he highlights that in fact, his client may not have raped the girl but he himself-
‘Move to strike!-‘I find myself on my feet. Like a force completely separate from me is speaking. I hope it is just the love for my job and not the need to defend this man’s family. Whatever the reason it is toolate and I am standing and I must finish my sentence ‘counsel is speculating.It is either he has the facts or he does not your honour’ the judge allows my motion and prosecutor moves to another line of questioning. The man is good. Right now it looks like our only chance of winning to pull every emotive word out of the dictionary and graffiti this room with serious payback. Dante looks at me and senses that he may be able to win me back on his side. Our clientsits quietly next to me. I try not to look at her but I can sense her. I cansense her fear nostalgically beckoning me to do something. She does not look atTrevor like a rapist. She does not see him as a monster. No. She sees a father.She sees a man she loves defending her in a way my papa did not do. We aresimilar her and I. She is what I would have been had my father stood up for me even though I was not biologically his. Her pain is real and it is not directedat Trevor but at the teacher. For when the teacher comes on as a witness, seeinghim in that booth makes her tremble like a leaf.
‘Your honour before you pass your ruling, counsel requestsmore time to gather extra evidence’ Dante says firmly. His broad shoulders andlarge chest demanding no less not that the judge is intimidated by him but I think everyone else is.
‘You have one day. Courts adjourned’ we explain to the younglady that she will need to stay with us and go through her statement as shewould have to the take the stand the next day. Mrs Bwalya compliments Dante onthe job well-done and hold on…was that Nsanje (Jealousy) I just felt? Nah!! Can’tbe. I feel nothing for Dante.
As we walk out the door of the court room, Trevor is there waiting for his daughter. He so much darker than I remember and definitely abit more raggedy. Borderline begger. I try to walk past ahead of him but hecalls my name ‘Madam-‘it sends a chill down my spine. Surely there is no reasonI have to speak to him and I cannot promise I will be cordial. I turn around slowly and look him square in the face.
‘Yes-‘my tone is icy freezing him all over. Reconstructive surgery huh! The bastard! He should be DE castrated!
‘I am sorry to take up more of your time- ‘
‘Take up my time? You took my childhood you chauvinistic-‘
‘Shey that’s enough. Come with me now!’ Dante roars from behind. There goes all my decorum out the window. I turn to see Trevor looking perplexed but I think he gets the message. Dante drags me away by the elbow like he is my daddy about to scald the living daylights out of me. ‘What do you think you are doing? That is our client and you cannot speak to him like that-‘Ibeg to differ and tell him in actual fact our client is his daughter not him. He looks at me as though I have lost all my senses and I probably have. He foldshis arms across his vast chest and stands with legs astride. His big figure towering over me and those piercing hazel eyes scalding my soul not my body. Heis mad as hell and very attractive right now. ‘We will talk about this overlunch Miss Mwelwa’ talk about a cheeky way of summoning someone for a date butsince I did behave badly, I cannot really argue. He goes back to Trevor and excuses us bundling his little girl into the car. We drive back to the office.
The young girl is nervous. She goes through her statement and tells us that although it was the first time for her to be raped, there was a rumour once that a previous student had reported the teacher but nothing was done. It was the same head teacher who works there now. She went on to state that the teacher had told her to come that day for extra lessons because she kept failing his classes despite studying. Since she kept getting into trouble at home for the bad results, she agreed to go. It was then that he raped her and when she first told her mum, she was cross with her and beat her but whenshe realised there was blood between her legs, they both went to the school and reported the teacher. The teacher on duty at the time informed her that they would not be believed since everyone knew why her father had gone to jail and that she brought enough disgrace to the school. My father was so angry that he went with a machete to the teacher’s house but was intercepted by neighbours.
I sat listening patiently. It was hard to believe that someone like Trevor could defend his child strongly. We allow her to go home and promise that we will do everything to make sure that the teacher does not get off the hook easily. Now for my judgement.
‘Where do you want to go for lunch? I fancy some spare ribs.Can we go to that Chinese restaurant in Levy mall?’
‘Sure. I am not fussy’ I say.
‘No you are not in a position to be dear’ we head off to themall conscience of the time or else we will have to put in long hours.
A couple of hours later we are back at the office and the silence is welcoming. The streets were too busy and the heat was nauseating. Surprisingly we did not talk about the incident outside the court. I make my way to thewindow to let some air in. Dante comes and puts his arms around me from behind. He rests his chin gently on my head and lets out a small sigh.
‘I think I know what is going on. You do not have to say anything or it may be used against you in Dantes court-‘he jokes but does not let go of me. I relax in his arms and let him speak. ‘Your mistrust of men is unnatural and you flinch every time I stroke you. Hell you get damn near neurotic!I thought at some point that you are just frigid but there is much more than that right? If am wrong argue, if I am write say nothing’. I stay quiet. ‘Now I know it was painful, and you do not need to tell me what he did because now I know.It is not rocket science. You were the child. What he did was evil. It was inhumane. I will not make excuses for him or any other man for that matter. In fact I am terribly sorry for the approach I took when taking this case but mi uh tell yuh someting ma yout, it not only robbed you of your childhood, you are allowing it to infiltrate into adult hood and robbing you of love. So much love that you push me away at every given chance because you are scared to be hurt again by someone not even worthy of your time and energy. He has got a family now and paid for his crimes.
‘So you think I should let it go just like that? What justice is there? My friend died because of him. Killed herself you know. I went for counselling and was told the reason I could not have sex with you is because ofa condition called vaginismus and mine is in the acute stage.’ He looks freaked out as though I just told him I had an infectious disease. What did I expect with a term like that anyway? ‘It just means that every time you try to penetrate, there’s an unconscious reflex that blocks it. Kind of like when an object flies towards your eye you instantly shut it. It will take time for me to work through my issues and have a healthy relationship.’
‘Then we shall work through them together! This is eating you up. You are so full of anger that you are drinking the poison and expectinghim to die! No you are much too beautiful. Not another day will you have to look over your shoulder because I will be here. Let me tell yuh, nothing just happens. He came back in your life so you can close that door and still see that he did not get off scott free. Imagine jail life and how many times hemust have got raped, had to reconstruct his penis which I am sure does not lookright-‘ I wince at the imagery and Dante smiles then turns me round to face himthen kisses my forehead. ‘Now he is paying through his daughter. You must forgive him. Not for him but to do yourself a favour so you can move on…we can move on but his daughter needs you and that is the good you can do otherwise you will just be as bad as him for punishing an innocent child’ he lets go of me and pulls out his mobile. ‘I want you to listen to this song because you are full of power and substance and your name says it all. Every time I hear it,how can I not think of you?’
“We wait for you
We wait for you
We wait for you
To walk in the room
Here we are standing in your presence
Here we are standing in your presence
Shekinah glory come down
Shekinah glory come down” he pauses the song with a big smile on his face. ‘I want you to listen to the next bit because it is exactly what you must do Shey. You were not given this name for no reason. You need tolet your fullness shine’
“Release the fullness of your spirit
Shekinah glory come
Shekinah glory come
You move and we want more
You speak and we want more
You move and we want more
We want the fullness” he sings along so loud that I am taken aback but feel so relieved and happy then he pulls me into his arms and kissesme for the first time in two years. My lips have known no other man. ‘Come to church on Sunday and I will sing this song in the choir just for you. You are more than you give yourself credit for Shekinah.’
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