Bigger than Love pt2

I get home and head straight for the bathroom. I don't stop to say hello and almost step on my pet chicken as I dash for the bathroom like my life depended on it.

I pee on the stick and wait.

Nothing.

Maybe I should wait a second longer. There it is. In clear lines. The most reliable kit on the market. It claims I have a little thing inside me which will soon become a huge thing. Oh crap! What have I done? I look around me at the four walls of the small blue bathroom of my father’s house absolutely paralysed.

My fairy tale seriously just turned into a nightmare. Not because I don't want a baby. Do I? And if I don’t, don’t want it that is, does that make me a bad person? Don't get it twisted, I have always wanted a baby for like the longest time possible but I wanted it with a husband a house and the whole shebang. Not like this!! I had always dreamt that when the time came I would be at home waiting for my husband to come home and I would break the news to him. Ideally he would be excited and fling me into his arms in our cosy little apartment in Oxford and yea you know how the rest of it goes.

I had never ever thought I would be sitting here dreading this moment worse of all in the toilet.

"Alo!!! Open the door you been in there too long Man !! I need to go to class" my brother Jay shouts.

"OK! just a second." I do my best to pull myself together and open the toilet door.

" Jesus Jasmine! You look like you just seen  a ghost what’s the matter?"

I dash to my room and lock the door behind me. I have no clue what to do and the strength is gone from knees. I decide to sit down in front of the big mahogany dresser that my father installed in my room when i returned. There is a big double bed in the room and a mirror to match. My dresser has the Britney Spears fantasy perfume on it and the whole room is filled with its glorious scent. I bet Jay had knicked some of it as usual. It has clearly been recently sprayed. My make up kit has a Mac foundation peeping out of it. Probably from this morning when I dashed out to buy the kit. I pick it up and place it back in the pouch and wipe the marks off the marble floor.

I should call someone. I need to talk to someone before I lose it. The perfect person would be my best friend ChiChi but my girl works like tomorrow is not promised a day.  I scroll down to Mum...no she should be the last person to find out even though we are so close she will blow her fuse on this I think and lecture me about how God is going to be very unhappy with me. My mother is very pious she puts Mary mother of God to shame.

Cursor lands on Ryan...Love of my life...Father of my child after only three months of dating....

Bigger than love pt1

I have been many things but careless has not been one of them so imagine my surprise to find myself in such a situation. Not to mention this is the wrong country, wrong time and culture to find myself in such a predicament. Like what the hell??!! I have only been here what 4 weeks? This cannot be happening. What the hell am I supposed to explain? Where do I even begin?

All these questions race through my mind as I sit nervously in the cramped minibus watching people argue over mundane issues. If only they knew how I had huge problems right now, they would keep their gobs shut right. It is rush hour and everyone seems cranky. Mainly overworked, underpaid and pissed off. Mine is of another specie though. I have to go home and...well explain my situation to my folks and to Ryan.

'Alo Sister!' the conductor interrupts my thoughts demanding for the fare. Typical Zambia. Customer service is top notch! Not. I rummage through my handbag and give him a 2Kwacha for my fare and look out the window praying for all manner of mercies from God. I have only been here 3 weeks so this is not an ideal situation for me to be in. Ok let me not panic. I mean I don't even know what it is going to be right?

" Conductor niseluka" I instructed so he could let me off the bus. The conductor tapped twice on the roof of the bus to signal to the driver to stop. Two completely inconsiderate big women had decided to sit next to me and squash me into a corner. I wait patiently as they get off the bus so that I can have room to get off the bus. The bus drives off leaving a wave of dust behind and I immediately regret not having taken my sunglasses.

Sigh. Time to face the music and find out how the next weeks are going to play out for me. I have a strong sense this will not be fun and they say a woman's intuition is never wrong. For my sake I hope I am.

Copyright © Chisanshi Malama 2013

I am just saying

Am just saying

They will always know better
Do this that way, date this way and live that way...

They judged him by his hair,

the long rough locks tamed by a single band
Oh he is no good for you.. he is a ..Rasta! They say in a whisper

as though he can hear them from across town.

He has a child and is not near you,

He has too much baggage!

They forgot the Rasta's name was human
failed to see the humble heart that cares,

the eyes that see only her,

the responsible father, the devoted partner
Am just saying

They judged him for giving child before marriage

but forgot he worked because of it,

he toiled for enough and strived each day for his love

he promised to do right

and honour his woman

yet still they scorned him.

Pay damages! They exclaim

Like she is an object in a store

no longer valuable for sale but wait...

 

Do they not give us trouble when u marry and cannot perform?
Am just saying...

It's too soon.. they say
Such is for life
you don't even know this person

of course you must wait

date for at least five years

Says they who dated 'princes' only to marry boxers
Says they who courted cheaters knowingly for years, expecting the bands music to change
Says they who lived in sin but point at the darkness of others
Says they who fail to understand time may change but character doesn't

In looking at time you fail to spot the prince who will fight the rain for you
In looking at time you fail to see the man who will work to feed you
Face your father regardless of the fear beating in his heart
Wait a lifetime for you and wait....do some more waiting but time disqualifies him because?....
Am just saying

Do not judge by cover
Am just saying
Nobody is perfect...He without sin cast the first stone
Am just saying
 

Claim

The luck arches the closing ozone.

Sweetest Taboo

Naomi placed the phone down softly watched it as it landed swiftly and gently in its holder. Everyday her Jerry did nothing but fight. There seemed lately there was not a damn thing she could do to please him.

The walls of their home had curved in and seemed to engulf her in her loneliness. Yesterday she reached out to Jerry to let him know how she felt. No she was not complaining she was only hoping that maybe things could go back to the way they used to be when she felt sexy and vibrant around him.

To be honest now all she felt was age...age...age. He no longer bothered with romance and every time they did an activity together it was sure to start with Jerry slandering it as boring and how he had better things to do. Naomi was  becoming fed up. she needed something to define her again and maybe breath some life into her.

"hey girl...." Natasha answered sleepily. She had been Naomi's best friend for years. "what you doing calling this early"

"you will never believe who called me" Naomi said knowing this was enough to wake her gossip loving best friend. 

"Michael"

"No way! Micheal as in the one you should not be dreaming about Michael? That Michael?"

"Yes woman that same Michael and he still sounds as hot as always "

"Shut up! what did he want?"

"well he said he wanted to see me since he is going to be in town soon and was wondering if I can show him around"

"Hmmmm....well what you going to do cuz you know Jerry loves him and you dreaming about him . You may not be able to keep your hands off given the recent drought in your life" Natasha said mockingly.

"Tasha go back to bed am pretty sure I can handle myself . Bye!"

'Perhaps Tasha is right' Naomi thought to herself. Maybe meeting Michael alone was not a good idea but she decided to put on something simple, sweet and casual and head out to town and see what activities she could help Michael with. Besides he is scheduled to be married soon so there shouldn't be a problem...right?

Dear bloody Spora

In a  family of ten there is no such thing as the baby of the family.
Yes i said 10. Biologically speaking we were only three in our nuclear family but my mum had this unhealthy habit of always taking on other peoples children.

For instance when an uncle or aunty died, our cousins always ended up at the Mumba family.Any chances for me crying for milk or the luxury of having eggs for breakfast was far-fetched.Aside the family house being extremely full, mums attention was not on me unless she was making little dresses for me..even then I had to share them with any cousins we had. It was a nightmare. Worse still her being a teacher did not help matters. Them kids from her school stuck around her like flies on feaces even at weekends!! it was annoying but my mother loved the whole concept of sharing and making life nice for everyone. 

Dear spora(diaspora) had decided to make itself a welcome guest in our home. Everybody was willing to embrace her except me. I knew she would be nothing but trouble not just for me, but for everyone. Already the cow had robbed me of my mother and my mother did not even see it.

Careful who you open up to!!

I just want to take today's topic back to the days when we were growing up and our mothers were teaching us about home life.

Yea we all know at the time of growing up you never really appreciate the value of the adults knowledge unless of course it benefits you at that instant moment. 

I will give an example of my mothers grace verses my hasty self. We had a neighbour that forever came to our door "odini kuno" at 12pm sharp. Smelling the aromas from my mothers kitchen always enticed her to come and settle herself unwelcomed by me, in our little kitchen and feast fervently on our food. May I add that this woman made it a point to share my meal!!!Pardon me for being a bit stingy I was meant to be the last born after all. However it didn't matter to banakulu Mercy who who indulge in my little luxuries even if I had just two pieces of chikanda on my plate lol.

But Banakulu Mercy did not only want to indulge in our food. By lunch time she had gathered enough stories from other neighbors to write an encyclopedia!!I loved listening to these stories like how bana Charity was now in hospital after ukumona ichiwa mumpanga or how bana chitechi had been kicked out of her house by her husband and left two kids behind! I sat there listening intently but my mother never commented. I prompted for more info but my mother merely nodded smiled or put on her pity face. I couldn't understand it!!How could mum resist such juicy stories??? And when banakulu Mercy asked about my mums life mum was quick to evade the subject very skillfully.

One day after our usual encounter I asked mum why she was always so quiet about our lives and she merely replied "don't wash your dirty linen in public". The irony considering the wash line was outside and so where all the facilities we used to wash our clothes.

However we all know what mama meant by that. No one ever knew mamas business even when things were not entirely OK  The only thing she was known for by the public was how much she loved God and that she had a sweet and loving family full of children. 

This is not to say all was well but it brings me to our current situations what with electronic ways of communicating and what not. The bible says in proverbs 23:7 that as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. In short what you confess you will surely get. If you confess negativity over your life or your family that is what you will get. If you tell your entire Facebook that your marriage is lousy guess what not only will you get what you confess but you will be the laughing stock of many.

A strong family is held on the bedrock of a strong woman. You hold your head high even when your knees are begging you to buckle. You smile proudly because you know your virtue speaks for itself. What you do behind closed doors is between you and your man. You love him there and in public but you never ever ever bring shame to him especially via a status. I say be careful who you open up to because not everyone cares about you or your life. what they do care about is passing the time with some juicy gossip like I did many years ago. Don't be someone's pastime. 

Enjoy your life, enjoy your man, enjoy your family and enjoy what God has graced you with but leave the Facebook to have a happy face always!!!