Silent Wives- Chapter 20- Gertrude

Passy’s tears begin to wind me up. She is trembling and like a leaf. The chitenge she has on rises and falls every two seconds. She picks up the edges and begins to tie a knot whilst her shoulder attempts to wipe the snot streamlining watery trails down her nose. I grab the stick from her and note the reading that she is just as I feared. She is pregnant.

‘Passy, who is the father?’

‘Awe aunty-y if I tell you, the person will be in trouble’

‘So help me God! Who is he? Is it Temwani?’ I shout? Passy is genuinely frightened but shakes her head no. her constant denial makes me feel guilty and humiliated for having to compete with my maid for a man. My standards are officially non-existent.

‘It is not ba Uncle. It- it- it is the gate man next door oo….’ Her voice trails off into a whimper. I should not be surprised but I am. I coax her to tell me more. She reveals that the pair of them are the ones who left the condom in my room and have been doing it at his work place since then. I feel nauseated. I should fire her for defacing my room. I feel really dirty. I really have been living in the dark for so long that I cannot even put two and two together when it comes to my maid. I sit quietly lost for words. Passy is a damn good maid and aside the fact that she is pregnant and this might affect her job, I still want to keep her on.

‘OK but do you know if he is going to want the baby?’

‘Oh aunty! He said that we should not even try to get pregnant. I tried but I think that the condom broku!’ she wails aloud like a hungry child. This is an awkward moment. I do not know whether to put my arm around her or to wait until she finishes crying. Diana and I have never really been strong when it comes to such situations. We are always so awkward!

‘Passy, you will still have to talk to him and tell him. Maybe he will change his mind. Men can say one thing and then be completely different about it the next minute. Just try and tell him….’

‘Oh Aunty I cannot! He is married.’

‘Oh great Passy you just get more complex as the day goes by don’t you?’

‘Aunty, I just thought we would have fun. His wife is in mpatamato and even works there.’ She says coaxing her head to one side as if this information makes it OK for her to creep. She has this innocence about her that makes you want to care for her scandalous self.

‘Well come in the kitchen and sit down and let us figure this out. You know Temwani is almost here and he will be demanding his food as usual.’ Passy follows me down the dark hall way and into the kitchen. We have no electricity today because of load shedding so I ask her to take the brazier for the food. I go into the pantry and fetch the candles to illuminate the room. She steps outside and shakes the brazier of the previous ashy residues before loading it with new charcoal. When the light is ready she sits on the small stool and gathers the chitenge between her legs and fans the fire with a plate. The smoke gathers for a while and you can hear the fire begin to crackle under the load of charcoal. Passy flinches to avoid the smoke stinging her eyes but it is too late. She is an emotional wreck probably because of the hormones.

‘Here you go. Put the meat on from the previous night and I will help you to do the vegetables.’

I take a second stool and place it opposite her. The child in me misses the times when we used to sit by the fire and with the help and listen to stories derived from a radio station that had a programme called ‘ilyashi lya pano isonde’ which translates to something like stories of this world. Anyway all I remember is that those stories were addictive but had me wide eyed when it was time for bed. Yet despite this I still listened to them religiously. I place the bowl with vegetables in it on the floor and another empty one on my lap and begin cutting.

‘Aunty my own mother is going to be very angry with me when she finds out that I am pregnant.’

‘Passy you will have to face her. What else are you going to do? You knew what you were doing te?’

‘Yes but it was just for fun-y’

‘OK so now it is time to be a grown up and do face the music especially with your baby daddy. I am just glad it did not turn out to be my Temwani’ I say shaking the knife so that the little pointed tip is in her direction.

‘Aunty I need to tell you something’

‘What is it Passy’

‘Aunty I don’t know if I should say anything but you are very good to me-e ah’ I look up from what I am cutting and momentarily stare at her. A girl knows when that news that we all dread is about to strike. It comes all disguised and what not and you try not to hear it, in fact you do everything to wish it away but this heart of ours a tenacity to confirm this particular fear. It is like a disease amongst us women. A code that will start to prepare for the minute you hear these fatal words.

‘Tell me Passy….’

She hesitates a moment but not long enough. ‘Aunty ba uncle has been seen with a ka girl from your skulu’ There she said it. She dropped the bomb on my little heart blowing it into smithereens. I continue cutting the vegetables and don’t say anything.

‘We have seen him a few times with this light skinned girl and they were even holding amaboko-hands. Sometimes on our way home na ba beat-y, we see them near the tuma shops talking by his car. It is that girl they call Gertrude’

‘Thank you for telling Passy you did the right thing’ I was hoping this would be a sign to her that she needs to stop talking now but she is on a roll now.

‘People have been talking saying she has been telling them that it is because….’ She stops talking and starts stirring the food instead of completing her sentence. I look up and notice that she is stalling. Trying to hold back some information.

‘What do they say Passy…’ she takes a deep sigh and explains that everyone says it is because I have not given him a child and that he is planning on marrying this Gertrude of a character. I should scream. I should pour this very sauce on his face but goodness I do not want to cause a scene in front of Passy.

Shortly afterwards, we hear Temwani’s car pull up and that’s when my blood truly begins to boil……

 

Silent Wives- Chapter 19- Tell me now!

I took the rubbish outside and cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. Passy was taking a bath and I told her I did not want her to do anything until she we had been to see the doctor. The day was no longer young so we had to hurry the hell up. Tying the plastic bags up, I lifted two in one hand and the licking one in the other hand and hoped it would not make too much of a mess. Since it was not too far to the nearest door, I decided whatever mess was coming was worth the risk.

Passy heaves again. She is obviously pregnant even though she claims that she feels ‘malaria -malaria so…’ she said this with a downcast miserable expression on her face that made her look younger than she was. I had called back Diana and heard the terrible news about Jeff. It is indeed a shame that he thinks he and her are the same size. My mind floats back to the days when Claire was so strong that she would not let any man tell her what to do or who she would be. In her place now was a shadow of Claire. There was no life left in her not even as much as banter. It was all gone. We lost Claire the day she said ‘I do’. I feel guilty that we did not put enough pressure on her not to marry into that family. Even my own mother said to her “you cannot marry a man whose umbilical cord has not been cut off”. She told her this during one of the times that Claire visited me to come and see the tailor in our street. She wanted to have a dress made for her mother. Her mother likes the traditional outfits very much so Claire said it was fine for her to wear one. Mummy sat her down in one of those sermons that she likes to administer to me about marriage whenever the occasion called for one. Claire had rolled her eyes at mummy as though she was an interfering cow. Not to my mother’s face of course. She did this when mum turned her back and started stirring the beef stew that was boiling on my stove. The smell of ginger filled the room with an intoxicating ambiance.

None of us had ever really dared say much apart from Diana. Diana had said that Jeff was a boy with a manhood he could not handle. She had said that if burglars came into the house, that Jeff would gladly sacrifice his own woman to save his life for he was like a snail with no vertebrae… Claire shook her head and said was it not her own mother who had advised her that she was not marrying his family? As it turns out, she married the family and adopted the mother as well. Mohammed Ali had also decided there was room for him and his boxing gloves in the house. It had turned into a fist of fury instead of a nest in paradise. I dash the bin bags into the bin and head back into the kitchen to wipe the mess off the floor. Temwani should be here soon and it would be better for both of us if he did not find us home. For someone who was not my husband he sure was demanding!

‘Passy! Let’s go we are going to be late. We need to make sure we get there before the sun takes its leave.’

Passy emanates looking rough. Her hair looks rough. You can see the lines of the comb through it. It looks like the yard when she has freshly swept it. I grab hold of her jacket and let her out of the door. I still take the house keys and head out with Passy.

‘Passy, are you pregnant?’

‘Aunty awe!-I don’t know’ she says keeping her head down. I have to ask her the necessary evil. It has been two years now and I have not had any concrete evidence as to whether she is doing it with my man. I have just never had the concrete evidence so bringing the case to Temwani, or even suggesting it has been futile. I have had nothing else to lean on since the condom incidence. It has been a nightmare time for me but I have decided to start making some changes. Walking into the unknown. A territory that I have feared in the past. I cannot turn out to be like Claire. She was my idol once but I have been slapped by women before, been in a bitch fight but never ever have I been hit by a man. Tem Tem has become so comfortable that he is not even pulling his weight in the house anymore. The last time he bought any food, I still believed in Father Christmas! Screw the beliefs of aunty cause they don’t work anyway! I have to start living by own standards and God help this girl if that seed is Temwani’s!

‘No I don’t think I am pregnant-y’ she has improved vastly with her English but still chooses to sing her words. I get bold and ask her the forbidden question. Screw aunty and all her crazy notions! She does not have to live with this mess and if she does it in her home, I do not know how to handle it! I have to start living my life the way I want to. If I want to live in a fantasy land I will bloody well do so!

‘Passy are you carrying my man’s baby?’ Passy stops in her tracks and looks up at me disbelief registered on her face at the audacity of my question. I feel the same anger that I felt that night with Taonga and Charlie except this time it would register on the Richter scale! ‘Are you sleeping with Temwani!?’ I look at her directly with my lip curled at the corner biting back any humiliation that threatens to surface. The sky announces the swift change over in time with sounds of crickets in the grass. They croak at every corner but one can never seem to discover their hiding place. Soon mosquitos will join the party and we will be the barbeque but I don’t care. Something has got to give and it is about time people started talking. I tap my foot ferociously and that is when her weary eyes notice that this mama right here is ready to give her a thrashing!

‘No I am not carrying his baby aunty-yy. I am not!-’

‘If we get to the clinic and I find out it is not malaria but a baby you will see what I will do to you. It better come out positive!’

‘Aunty- me I would never do that to you! I would never do that to you!’ she is beginning to cry and I feel even more empowered by her display of weakness. I am enjoying this. I have never been in such a spot before. Not really anyway! I turn and start walking really fast then call back to her to keep it up. The whole way I summon every ounce of saliva I have to make the loudest kissing my teeth sounds I can make. I do this about every three minutes. It works to intimidate Passy but and she keeps sobbing. When we get to the chemist, I ask the guy at the counter for the pregnancy kit and tell him to hurry up.

‘Which one is it that you are after madam?’

‘Give me the most accurate one that you have! The devil is expecting a relative to join him soon!’ the guy at the counter looks at me a little confused but he knows better than to ask any questions. His eyes move and discover the sobbing Passy. It does not take a genius to figure out that she is the relative to whom I refer.

‘Come on quickly let’s go home!’ I say shoving the test in my handbag. Passy wants to ask if we are going to the clinic but I figure she can do that in her own damn time. I think about my mother telling me that I am a free cow. The various attempts I have had at having a baby to no avail! I suppose it is God’s way of punishing me for the abortion yet my body has a bad habit of sinning. Living in sin, attempting to get pregnant outside marriage, the whole furore is a mess! It is not a long way to the chemist from the house but it would be in our best interests to walk fast before the rain finds us. You can already smell the soil announcing its arrival.

When we reach the house I tell Passy to go straight to the toilet and pee on the stick. She does as she is told and whilst I wait I think of what I will do exactly if she is pregnant but more so if it is Temwani’s baby she is carrying. Of course she thinks I can tell just by her peeing on the stick since I am a nurse but she does not know the complexity of DNA and all that jargon. Ignorance is bliss. This should be enough to get a confession out of her. I smirk at my genius mind. Passy opens the door and looks at me. Her face is wet with tears…..

Painters copyrights reserved. I do not own the rights to this art.

Silent wives-chapter 18-Leave right now!

I open my eyes and see the room spinning some what. Something hit me on the head and it feelslike I my head is wet then the room goes black again. I don’t know whathappened next but I was still on the spot lying down. Was I dreaming? My motherin law skips over me and I can hear her muttering something but cannot make outwhat it is.

The baby yells out demanding my attention but I cannot seem to be able to bring myself up to stand. It is like being in a bad dream with no one there to shake me awake. I fightmy eyes to stop them from shutting and will them open. Oh what a treacherous head. It bangs nails and hammers relentlessly on my scalp and refuses to giveme peace the more I try to get up. What the hell happened?

There are noises and someone bursts into the room with a big fat stick. I manage to openmy eyes to see the commotion. This woman is swinging the stick left right andcentre that my weary eyes fail to keep up. Her hair looks dishevelled like one at a Shala Mwana concert. She is screaming something about her friend. I closemy eyes to get some rest but feel someone kneel down beside me and call my name.


‘Claire….Claire?’I fear answering in case I am in dreamland and this is an evil spirit. Although the voice would perhaps be a bit more sinister if this were the case. The hand moves me again a bit more desperately. I try to oblige but just feel irritated.And then can you believe someone had the cheek to splash cold water on my face? Cold icy water! Well whose eyes would not open at such injustice? Even the dead would wake up really pissed off at such uncouth behaviour. I open my eyes a bit wider and notice that it is Diana by my side. Great I should have known.

She orders Jeffto pick me up off the floor and take me to the bed. He reluctantly agrees and picks me up. Once in the room Diana shouts at him and calls him all sorts of names under the sun. You know the ones where you go “chakuti chako chakuti nachakuti chako!” she then slammed the door in his face and locked us in. There was a bowl of water beside the bed and my friend instantly changed from the rantingraving lunatic she was two minutes ago to a soft cherub.

‘Hey babe…I am going to china you ok? It might hurt a bit but I will try to be gentle’ she takes a flannel and dips the cloth into the bowl of water beside the bed. Shewrings it with both hands and turns around to compress the side of my head. The cow underestimated how much it would hurt but I can only manage to flinch asopposed to going full on squealing. After like two seconds the cloth is welcomed by my head as a worthwhile friend. It does not stay like this forlong. Diana moves the cloth and repeats the ritual on another part of my facewhich feels quite spongy.

‘You need to leave this man before I start preparing your coffin!’ she says with a tone of disdain marked on her face. I do not understand why she hates Jeff so much. It is beginning to drive me up the wall. He did not hit me. I fell because I could not balance. Yes that is what happened.

‘We did not have a fight Diana. We were simply discussing something and I must have fallenand hit my head’

‘What were youdiscussing?’

‘It is none of your business because I know you are going to make a big deal out of this!’

‘If it were none of my damn business I would not be here. You women with battered wife syndrome really piss me off. Defending an animal like that!’

‘Oh Diana stop it’

‘No I think it is about time you heard a few home truths. I walked in hear kicking and screaming for them to let me in. Do you know where you were? You were laying onthe floor whilst his mother just skipped over you. Jeff did not bother to evenpick you up until I said so. Let me tell you something, since that day you toldme about the mother putting something in the water he has never been the same!’

Before giving birth to baby Daniel, Jeff’s sister Carol had come over. She is the only one of the four who I can say is nice. She came and warned me that the family believedthat I was just after the money and that they had gone for a visit to the Ng’anga.

‘Sisi I am just warning you because you know how your in laws love rituals. They will do anything so be careful that is all I am saying’ I had poured her a cup of tea andsettled down on the chair opposite her. The news was quite disturbing andfrankly I felt it was a bit farfetched because I did not believe in such garbage. I was six months pregnant with my first child.  The horror was beginning to close in on mebut I had mentioned to Diana that this place was beginning to scare the hellout of me. My mother in law had refused to move out. She had gone to her homeonly twice or maybe three times since our honey moon. At that time Jeff was thelove of my life and still supporting me. His mother however insisted that shewould stay and teach me how to be a good wife.

After three months of her staying with us, the drama began again. Bwalya and company would visit and corner me whenever I was cooking and Jeff was not home.

‘Look at youClaire, is there anything in this house that we can do to finally make you becomea woman? We have tried to teach you the ways of our family- no one can say wehave not tried but you are stubborn. Hmm I wonder what my brother saw in you.’

‘And now she isbusy prancing around this house with a bastard for a child in her stomach’ her mother would add between a mouthful of groundnuts. I simply looked at them anddecided not to answer. For there would be no answer under the sun that I couldgive without provoking their anger but even my silence annoyed them. If anythingit was even more annoying for them that I stayed silence and chose not to entertain their nonsense. It made them feel that I was being insolent but what answer didthey want me to give them? I looked forward to Jeff coming home and begged himto get his mother out of the house so the baby and I could have some peace.

On the day that he was supposed to ask his mother to leave is the day when our life of happiness ended. Jeff had spoken to his mother and asked her to leave so that we couldenjoy our home. I waited in the kitchen and took his food to him when hesummoned me.
Five minutes later I heard Jeff scream in anger.

‘What kind of disgusting thing have you put in my food? It is so bitter!’ He took the plate and chucked it with all its contents and left the house.
His motherlooked at me and smiled and then went to her room. She knew that she was not going anywhere. It was then that the silence ensued. I was alone in a place I wasmeant to call home. I was lonely yet surrounded by people. I called my mother,but she was not much help when it came to this sort of thing.

A few weeks before giving birth, I started having crumps and the baby was said to be getting ready to make an entrance in this world. It was not something thatcould be stopped. The little one was eager to come but did not make it to see the light that it so desired. I woke up in the hospital crying endlessly beingtold that it did not make it. I never saw my little one. Instead of comfortingme when we got home, my mother in law stated that ‘this is what happens whenpeople try and cheat the hand of God.’ She said that because she was still convinced that the time I got married I was pregnant and that is why herprecious son insisted on us marrying early. To save us the embarrassment ofhaving a child outside wedlock. My mind drifts back to the present. My friend is still chatting away- well scolding me more than chatting.

‘Ever since this witch moved in, he has beaten you through two miscarriages. Is it only when you finally die that is when you will leave?’

‘Diana was thevow not for better for worse?’

‘Yes but he broke that vow and in my books the marriage is void. He is not bringing in any money it all goes to his family and you have to foot the bill for yourself and your baby. Look at the state you are in! Your clothes look so unfashionable! No man! This man is going to make you old before your time!’

‘I told you though that we were not fighting. I should just stop making him angry that’s all.Mummy told me that I must stop doing things that make him angry’ I know I soundpathetic but I have nothing else.

‘Claire the whole town is talking about it. How come you do not see it? Eish, you are swelling up fast’ she takes the cloth
and continues the compressing. She shakes her head and takes the small mirror that is beside the table and hands it to me.

‘That my friend is what he has done to you. I am going to take you to the hospital right away. We cannot listen to your mother all the time because she is from a world where no protection was offered for this.’

My face has swelled so much that you cannot even see my eyes. The only thing present is a forehead and cheeks…..

Sweetest Taboo 3 pt 10

For me this is not just a song.
For me this is the core of me,
The definition of my existence
The chains of my redemption scratching away at the paper
So I
Sing for my freedom
For the hopes and dreams that I dare not speak
For the ,fantasies and wishes
That books embellish in me
For the release of the demon that
Was once called me
So I
Sing like tomorrow is already here
Thetracks of my tears I no longer see
Encrusted by makeup for someone who was once here
Yes Ising like I do for there's nobody else
I must sing to remind myself that I am still living
In here
So I
Live like a mango tree
Providing hope for the season
The greenwhite and yellow that
Red never conquers
We were born similar
Maturing in different pods
Our seeds planted separate
Only to blossom in the same field  
So I
Sing about my loving you
Like a mirror reflection taken
In different generations
Yours is the smile that frames my face
Yours is the picture defining in my frame
So let's define forever
And give it a new meaning
For the ending is only written by the mind that dreamt it.

The house is just the way mama likes it. Old like her but graceful. The clutter is a bit too much for me. In each corner there is either a table or something from days gone by that she cannot let go of even though there is no room for it. The house is dimly lit by a single candle and an old tattered bible sits on the table guarding. The guard waits in the other room as Dante and I take a look.

It is nothing like I remember but again it has been a couple of years since we got married. Mama and aunty Towela had looked dashing. They were so happy so excited and their usual bossy selves. Mama could not stop fussing that my train was too long and that someone jealous would inevitably trample on it and cause it to reap. Aunty Towela, the usual voice of reason kept mama away from the already anxious bride and placed her in charge of the bridesmaids. I felt sorry for them because mama cannot shut up. Ever. So imagine how many times their hair had to be styled and restyled that in the end it was not the hairstyle that I wanted them to have that they ended up with. They had corner buns tightly twisted that their foreheads reflected the sun. You could not tell whether they were smiling or had some plastic surgery done. I could have gone all bridezilla but it was my day and Mamas and aunty Towela. I could allow them to be equally excited even if it meant altering small details like a hairstyle.

Aunty Towela on the other hand was mellower.  She was calm and collected as always and did not fuss much. Her beautiful crystal lined pink chiffon maxi dress defied all laws of nature. She looked dashing. No protruding belly or jelly arms to betray her age. Whatever corset she was wearing kept her secret firmly tight. But despite her calm nature, I could tell something was wrong. Something that she was not telling me. Every time aunty bent down to reach my train she winced as though in pain. I should have asked if she needed anything but as soon as shespotted the look on my face, she summoned all inner strength just to keep mefrom querying her. She hid her secret as firmly as her corset behind a wall of a pre lecture before walking down the aisle.
‘You are just beautiful. Every bit of you is magnificent andthat man loves you like God loves us. I know because he has God in him. Agenuine love for God that he is going to transfer into you and make you stronger. You remember I told you, you were still precious?-‘she coughs and turns aside to find the aid of her arm. She is not well. That is for sure. She turnsback to me and carries on fussing over my dress ‘but mwana watu you must remember to never go to bed angry with each other. If you cannot face him, then praythat God can relieve you of your anger before you sleep. Men are very funny. Oftenthey do us wrong without even knowing they have hurt us- sit down now and letme fix your veil- but you can never make excuses for them. Let him take responsibility for what he does wrong. Enjoy your sex life mama. You know what we taught you ka?’

‘Aunty Towela!-‘
‘Aunty Towela where!-‘she pokes me playfully on my shoulder ‘it will happen tonight so what are you talking about-‘she laughs out loud and then pauses behind me. At that moment we were both looking at the mirror. Smiling. Not a word was spoken for about two minutes but our hearts knew how grateful we were to have each other. To have shared so many memories through the good and the bad. Thandie had relocated to New Zealand with her new husband but she was already on her second pregnancy. Talk about be fruitful and multiply eh! Towela was a content woman even though living with mama I am sure had its moment oftorture, it was not anything she was not already used to. ‘You will be so happy in your marriage I promise you. Just remember there is power in a praying wife’

‘So what do you think we should do with the place? Put it up for rent?’ I ask my husband Dante. I do not really want to throw away the memories even though I have not had the strength to check it out since it was given to me. Chisanga does not contest to what should be done so long as he gets something out of it. My husband puts an arm around me and squeezes me tight. Well first thing first your mother always wanted the baby to be a combination of both their names so start with that. I smile despite my emotions. It has not been long since the double funeral that has sent the town ablaze with whispers. Even Chisanga confirms the rumours but I do not believeit for a moment although her poem insinuates it. I have read it over and overand refuse to accept it but I harbour no judgement.

Aunty Towela died following a rough battle with ovariancancer soon after my wedding. It had been the worst time for all of usespecially mama. She could not cry or eat. All she did was hold this poem inher hands and rock back and forth in her armchair. Aunty Towela’s ashes had been given to mama. She buried them under the small mango tree of her new place. It was not as magnificent as the place we lived at but it would do for mamas’ritual. Every day for a year she sat outside during the day under that mango tree. If it was raining, she would sit by the window and watch the mango tree. Watchthe value that it held but could not resurrect her friend like it did those mangoes. My once talkative mother had turned mute. Nothing could get her to speak again. It was like the whole world had darkened and would never liveagain. If she was not bathing, she was outside, if she was not outside she was rocking and if she was not rocking she was watching the same tree seeking comfort from it with the bible at her breast. Nursing the pain. Nursing the loss of a loved one. Almost as if she had lost a husband.

She had aged in a year. Had abandoned all need for makeup and flamboyant styles. For what use were they to her without Towela? Hmmm. This world could no longer accommodate her and it showed in each defined line that crossed her face. The hunger strike eventually took her. Her wishes were to be cremated and buried right there with her friend. Under the mango tree.

Now all that is left is this house and them still outside. I do not care for what people say. I will not get rid of it. Someone will stilluse it anyway.
‘Honey, Baby will be called Hazel, Temwaka. Hazel because Ican never prise myself off those eyes of yours and Temwaka to remember the wonderful women who saved my life and stood up for all women. Were they lovers?We will never know but they loved me and that is all that matters’ Dante smiles illuminating the room with those beautiful teeth.

‘And the house?’
‘I will make it a bed and breakfast. Temwakas bed and breakfast. We can renovate it. Remove all this clutter and fix the kitchen up abit and see how it goes. We will also make a beautiful little garden around the area of the mango tree and plant some grass. I was thinking the front could dowith a new arch hedge and a swimming pool at the front. I also want a lionessstatue at the gate to depict the spirit of the two tenacious women-‘

‘What about papa?’ I look at him like what about him? Papais content with the defected house that we lived in before he showed his weakness.
‘Baby we will still look out for papa. He is an old man andlike you said unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone elseto die. I have no grudge against him for his weakness. I am just contemplating the best way to use this place’

‘It is because of your beautiful soul that I married you woman. Two years of the most awesome time of my life. I see you grow from strength to strength and your beauty just gets more with each new day. Remember our first dance at the wedding? We wait for you- release the fullness of your spirit my Shekinah. You were just glorious and did you see mama and aunt Teecry on the video?’ I smile at the memory. As usual Dante cannot resist the song. ‘Come let us take some tuma chairs and sit with them outside. Tell them God has been great and the house will be filled with little feet pattering soon.As God is our witness there will be no more taboos sweet or otherwise. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord’

Sweetest Taboo 3 pt 9

The courtroom hums with whispers from the spectators about which way this case will go. The doubt hangs over like a nimbus cloud. Most of the room is a population of women and only a handful of men. Perhaps it is this proportion that drops ambiguity about which way the wind will blow. Mrs Bwalyagives me a cold look. It is saying win or lose your job. Lucky for me I am thoroughly prepared and I suppose better than Dante would have been. I decideto block out any issues between Trevor and I and ask that he not be presentwhile the trial takes place. It is a bit distracting albeit downright frightening to be in the presence of one who tore at the core of your heart. Dante was right. I do need to let it go but that day is not today.

The judge walks in and the court rises. My client istrembling beside me but I have every confidence she will do just fine despite how much the defence will put her in a bad light.
‘Your honour we move that you dismiss all charges against our client based on the evidence that has been put forward. The character ofthe victim is against her and with no prior convictions, our client cannot be heldliable-‘

‘Objection your honour. As clearly stipulated, counsels arguments are purely speculative. There is new evidence which clearly suggest that not only did the rape take place but that the accused DNA has been found. Ourwitness has also testified that she saw the victim leaving the defendants house in a flood of tears. Not only that, but also, there are some teachers at the school who were aware of the problem said teacher has presented in the past soto say that he has no prior convictions, is fading the truth’ I leave him no chance for a comeback. He knows when I enter this room I aim to kill. Dante may go easy but I cut to the chase with my short self.

‘I’ll hear the closing arguments and then allow the Jury to decide. Proceed’
‘So we have all heard the case before us. How a teacher whohas served your community for 15 years, a man who has taught a lot of our generation with no prior criminal convictions, has today been accused of a vile thing such as rape. It is not only unfair, it is casting a cloud over thejudgement of the parents who take their children to this school. It is tellingthem that the people they entrust with their children too co parent are not worthy.

But when you look at this pictures (he places photographs infront of the Jury) could you say that this girl is indeed innocent? From her provocative dressing, to the makeup on her face, how do we tell that she was indeed raped? Or that she succumbed to the advances and that it was in fact consensual sex which after it happened, she needed an alibi for why she was no longer a virgin. I ask that you think carefully before you destroy a man’scareer and life over a child who does not understand the meaning of long skirt’ I cannot actually believe my ears. He really believes that is an argument he can actually close with and win. It is then that I knew they have been bluffing all along or his abilities as a lawyer have diminished. I used to admire thisman so much but now, this case just weakened him. I guess he got the crap endof the deal really. Mrs Bwalya looks at me. Of course this will be the very first time she is seeing me in action and it makes me slightly nervous. After abrief moment she turns and smiles at Dante flirtatiously. Bitch! I get up and get ready to do my thing.

‘Sitting here in this court room we have heard various testimonies. Some of which have made our stomachs turn-‘ I turn and look at the defence table emphasising their gross nature ‘and some which have been heartfelt-‘ pause for effect ‘like that of a father whose heart has been wrenched in two for the harm that has befallen his household. Like that of themother who knows not where to begin in comforting her daughter. Sure the fatherhas wronged society with the same double crime in the past but he has done histime. The point of our justice system is to teach people a lesson and set anexample for others. It is this experience that makes him qualified to understand the gravity of the wrong this man has inflicted on his adopted daughter.

Now the defence here tells us that the child is to blame because of her clothing or wayward nature. I disagree. They are missing the point in the term rape. It is not something that happens to someone who is dressed provocatively nor is it something happens because of sexual need. It issomething that has happened to babies of 8 months old. Do we say they areasking to be raped because they have their pampers on show? Or the nuns who get attacked despite the long robs they have and wait what about the men who are now raped left right and centre? Are men dressed provocatively? I do not believethat even a prostitute deserves to be raped. Some may frown and object to thisbut it is because they lack understanding of this issue.

Autonomy is something accorded to each and every human. It isour right to do as we please with our bodies. It is this autonomy that gives usthe ability to consent or refuse treatment in hospital. It is a fundamental reason why human rights were recognised. So one may be a prostitute but if no means no. A child such as my client is not to treated with such hostility that this vile crime should go unpunished. Teach her how to dress if you must, butdo not encourage rapists to get off the hook simply because someone was dressed a certain way. Rape is about power. It is not about sexual desire that is why it can happen to anyone. It is something that my client will have to become used to in the sense that it will be a part of her life. How long she takes to heal will depend on whether or not justice is done. It will affect her life from her relationships to living in perpetual fear until she deals with thisdemon that has possessed her. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, if she were yourdaughter, would you turn the other way? Or would you also bring charges againstthe school for harbouring a criminal and sacrificing our children to be devoured by this man one by one? I rest my case’
Mrs Bwalya looks at me with a proud look on her face but I don’t care. I ought to pull her weave out the way she has been citing my man. Yes hehas not officiated it but even the blind know he is mine. I strut my thing back to my table and sit proudly next to Dante.

‘You were awesome but you already know that. What do you want to do tonight?’
‘What makes you think I am seeing you tonight?’ I ask cheekily biting my lip.
‘You cannot resist me-‘
‘Nigger please I been resisting you since I knew you’
‘Ah well now you really know me, in my arms celebrating tonight is where you need to be. I already booked us a table with champagne winor lose’ I look at him baffled. This man is determined! After about half an hour the judge returns and orders that he is ruling in our favour awarding K49million. I feel happy and sad at the same time. Happy that the girl has receivedjustice but sad that I just made her father rich. Mrs Bwalya comes straightover excited and congratulating us on a job well done. ‘You must sign yourcontracts tomorrow that’s for sure. Good job’ she shakes our hands and thenwaddles off to her car. Trevor also comes over and asks to speak to me. Iinsist that Dante should stay with me.

‘I would like to thank you for everything you have done. I havenever had a chance to apologise to you personally partly because I did not know where you were. I know you may not forgive me-‘
‘It is fine just go. I will deal with it in my own time thanks’ I give him a half smile and dismiss him. He seems to have water in his eyes but I need to deal with this my way. Whether or not he means it, it does not matter because he has exonerated himself and now it is up to me to either hold a grudge or let it go. I choose to get my life back.

‘Are you OK?’ Dante pulls me to him by arms and just holds me in his arms for like forever. I decide not to start the water works. From now on, with this big man around me, I choose to be strong. ‘Tonight at 8pm I willpick you up. We are going to Portico Restaurant’ Dante whispers. ‘Shekinah-‘
‘Yeah-‘
‘I adore you, you little woman. I absolutely adore you’ I smile in his embrace but don’t show it to him. I adore him too.